I have mentioned before that I was married before. It didn’t end well, in fact most of the marriage wasn’t great. We were 2 kids who got married “to do the right thing” and we failed.
When I left I started a whole new life, new email address, social media accounts, the works.
I was single for 3 years after I left, I was damaged and broken and then I met this wonderful man who was and is ok with my faults and fears. He strives to help me heal and we have a great life together; storybook great.
I’ve been going through my old Facebook account because Matt likes to look at pictures of the kids as babies and compare them to Tobias.
I have mixed feelings about looking through the past because there are terrible memories like this
(There’s a story there)
And though painful, I’m actually ok with those because it confirms why we aren’t together.
But there also moments like these
Look how young we were! Full of hopes and dreams.
There were happy moments and bring joy to me remembering them
But is that ok?
I wouldn’t give up what I have right now for anything, but does that mean I have to hate my life before?
I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place in my situation. On one hand I have this amazing husband and I don’t ever want him to think I have any regrets. On the other, I now have knowledge and maturity and when I think of my past I remember the moments I wish I would have used them.
My ex and I have a touchy relationship, pain and anger harvested on both sides. We do our best for our kids.
But could it be better?
Does it need to be better?