Help

This experience has made me realize that you really don’t know what someone is struggling with and instead of judging their actions, support them… or HELP. 

On my way home from Walmart there was a person on the side of the road with a sign that said something about being hungry. On the grass behind him were two kids sitting. The family was not the stereo typical “homeless” that you see with the carts full of what we would classify as junk. They were not dirty and they were dressed appropriately for the weather. The sign they were holding said nothing about money, or even that they were homeless; just said they were hungry.

As we passed my children inquired why they were on the side of the road and what the sign he was holding said. I explained to them that they did not have any food and that they were asking for some. Immediately my children were up in arms and yelling at me to stop the car and give them food. I kept driving, we live about 5 minutes from Walmart, and took them home.

I need to set the scene. The four of us went to Walmart because Matt and I had decided to get serious about working out at home and we needed weights for the bar I have in the garage. On the way we also decided that there was food we needed at home. So we went to Walmart and spent way too much time and money on things that we mostly needed….

I decided that it was pretty late so we hit McDonald’s for dinner (I feel the groan from anyone who has read my weight loss blogs). We got the kids happy meals and we got ourselves a 20 piece chicken nugget box to split. With all of this in the car, including the fast food, we passed this supposed family of need.

There was straight guilt in my heart as I drove past them and my guilt was made worse by my children who told me they needed the food more than we do.

After we got home and got the kids situated with dinner I started to collect food to take back to the family. I collected a Walmart bag of food and got the little bit of cash I had on me and put it all in the bag. I drove back to the corner they were on and dropped it off. The man, I assumed was the children’s father, was extremely grateful. He told me God Bless and I walked away. Our only interaction, but that moment touched me harder than anything else going on in my life right now.

Now some of you may shaking your head at my action saying that I should not have done what I did. I don’t even know if they really are in need, they just may want hand-outs. I am encouraging their actions and if you give a man a fish nonsense. This is nonsense that I have spouted before and I believed it. But in that moment that we drove past the family, I made contact with the grown man asking for help from complete strangers while his children watched, I changed my tune. I put myself in his place.

If I was struggling enough that my children would not have enough food I would do anything, including standing on the side of the road begging. There is a possibility of being subjected to ridicule by complete strangers who think they know more about my life than me. I do not believe in my heart of hearts that they were lying about their situation.

This experience has made me realize that you really don’t know what someone is struggling with and instead of judging their actions, support them… or HELP.

The Climb, again

This is a boring post, but this is the stuff on my mind right now.

Part 2

So continuing with my weight loss journey.

After Planet Fitness I tried to fill my gym void with other gyms. I tried a place called 9 Round which is basically a kickboxing gym. I loved the exercises at 9 round, it was circuit training and they changed every time you went and it was always a GREAT workout. I felt like Rocky every time I left, I listened to “Eye of the Tiger” more than once. I am very self-conscious when I work out and I always felt like the other people there were judging me, one woman openly laughed at me when I made a mistake. I also do not like having a trainer to push me. I do not need someone to tell me to work harder, I push myself too much on my own. The trainer is obviously always there to make sure that you are doing the work out correctly, but also to “motivate”. Out of the 6 month contract that I signed and paid for, I went for 2 months… waste of my money.

I also tried Fitness Connection, which is a good price and has weights, machines, classes and even child care! I was pretty excited when I signed up. It was conveniently located between work and home, I was convinced that this was the one. I went religiously for months but whenever I went the machines I wanted were never open and people did not clean up after themselves… EVER!! It was disgusting. The people who went seemed to be the kind that show off and I felt intimidated. *SIDENOTE have you ever seen Kevin Hart’s gym show off impersonation? Go watch it* So my time at Fitness Connection ended as well.

Along with going to the gym I tried different network marketing products like It Works and BeachBody. It Works is not an exercise program, but supplements that are supposed to help you lose weight. I used them when I was going to Planet Fitness and I did really like what I saw. I just don’t know if it was the pills or the exercise or a combination of both. I tried BeachBody when one of my friends signed up to be a coach. I ordered the program 22-minute Hard Corps by Tony Horton.. It was an intense workout but it ended up making my plantar fasciitis worse and I needed to stop (so of course I lost all progress) After the physical therapy (I’ll blog about that) I signed up for BeachBody On Demand so I could try different programs that would be easy on my feet. That went well until I moved.. again… this is a real problem in my life because I am getting ready to move again.

My final attempt to use a program/product is LadyBoss, I’ll thank Facebook ads for that. LadyBoss had great recipes and exercises for home and the gym. I started strong and lost my motivation again, plus I am always doing this by myself. So everyone else is eating/drinking whatever and then there is me, with me salad.

So that was my long drawn out history of attempted weight loss. I have once again started that journey, I can’t keep buying new clothes as I gain weight, I don’t make that much money; we will discuss my dieting in another blog. This time I am not paying anyone for anything, I am working out at home or the local park that has some small pieces of equipment and I am being my own trainer. My fiance has agreed to start working out as well so we can do this together. I am going to write about our experiences occasionally, mostly for accountability. I don’t want to be that person on Facebook who has to take a gym selfie every time I am there to prove it (I have been that person before). If I know that I am writing about and sharing possibly some intimate details of the experiences then I will keep doing it.

This is a boring blog post, but this is the stuff on my mind right now. Hopefully next time I will have something more exciting, or at least humorous.

The Climb

Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat.

Part 1

A little more about myself. I am 33, going to be 34 this summer. I have 2 kids over the age of 5 and I still have “baby” weight…

No, it is not really baby weight. It is postpartum depression turned actual depression, anxiety, stress and exhaustion all rolled into about 50 lbs of extra fat on my body. I have tried dieting and exercise for YEARS.

Before pregnancy I was not a big girl, I was a size 8, 140 lbs at my heaviest and yeah, I thought I was FAT!!! Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat. I am currently sitting at a size 16, but can squeeze into a size 14 on a good day and I weigh about 193 lbs. I rested on my laurels before kids, if I started to get a little thick I would walk it off, literally. I would take mile long walks at night and it would just fall of, like the crumbs off my lap after a Starbucks Blueberry muffin. So real weight loss never really meant anything to me.

After I had my son I was born I lost most of the baby weight immediately, I had about 5 lbs to go before I was pre-baby weight. I never got there however, because instead I got pregnant. With my daughter’s pregnancy the weight found me, like a tornado finds a trailer park. It just piled on and on. When I went to deliver Mackenzie I was 183 lbs. I don’t actually remember my weight throughout the years of attempting dieting and exercising. I basically remained above 175 until 2015.

I was married when I had my babies and I am not going to go into the details, but it was not a good marriage and it left me broken. I tried throughout the marriage after babies to get back in shape, but I had 2 kids 14 months apart, I was a stay at home mom and a full time student. I had a lot going on. Honestly, the motivation was never really there because there was never any spousal support in ANY manner. Our marriage ended August 2013 and I moved in with my parents to get back on my feet.

When I moved in with my parents I started doing little exercising and some weight lifting to start taking off the weight. I think I probably got down to the low 170s, but it never stayed off. Flash forward 1.5 years and I discover Planet Fitness, low monthly costs and the right kind of equipment for me. Yes, I realize they don’t all have a lot of free weights. I found a motivation to exercise 5 days a week, and I had a work schedule that allowed it. I went from the upper 170s to 150 lbs in about 4 months. I was happy, looking and feeling amazing.

July 2015 we moved to an area that only had 1 very inconveniently placed Planet Fitness and I had a ridiculously stressful job that pulled me out of bed at 3 am and I did not get home until almost 130pm every day, so when I got home I was done. I started to lose all of my progress and the sadness creeped in again.

To Be Continued….