Things are changing

Some things are changing, but I’m hoping it’s all for the better!

Once a month I am going to be releasing a Sleuth Saturday blog to talk about the latest Sherlock Holmes story I have read/listened to.

I am going to be a VIPKID teacher soon, teaching kids in different countries English. I want to financially contribute to our family’s budget and I think the hours will work with my “mom schedule.” I will be blogging about my classroom and what my workday looks like. I’m pretty excited.

Homeschooling is a huge part of my life now, teaching my 2 oldest and entertaining a toddler. My big kids could not be more different, so I’ll definitely be blogging about teaching styles. Also, I have tons of cheap/free resources I would love to share. Homeschooling a child with ADHD and learning disabilities will definitely be an upcoming blog.

I want to post some open and honest blogs about marriage with kids, especially being a combined household. Sometimes lines are iffy and boundaries that need to be respected. Marriage is stressful on it’s own, I want to share some cheap and fun ways to keep it fresh.

I am getting rid of my YouTube channel, it’s just too much right now. I need to focus my energies. But I am still a crafter and a DIYer, so instead of videos I’ll be blogging about them.

I am still working on the business with my mom, we have kind if taken a break to rebrand ourselves. I will definitely be blogging about L&M Unique Creations.

Finally I have become an Amazon Affiliate and when I blog certain things I will include links to what I have purchased. If you use my link towards a purchase I will get a small percentage of the sale. This will be posted on any blog that I use my link.

I think that is about it, we are coming into my favorite months of the year and I am very excited to share blogs with you!!!

June 15th

I was scanning my Facebook memories, as I do each day, but this day was different.

Apparently June 15th I feel compelled to upload a selfie roughly every 2 years.

A five year history of me

I started looking at the pictures and thinking about the different things happening in my life at each point.

June 2015- I was almost 2 yrs out of my first marriage and I had tried dating for the first time that year… it didn’t go well. I was exercising about 5 days a week, 30lbs down from 2 yrs prior. I was working a job that I loved. I wore makeup….I was feeling myself!  My life was about to change drastically though and it would propel me into the life I’m living now.

June 2017- I was living in a new state, at a new store, now a POG team lead.  I had gained ALL 30lbs back and more. I was dating my now husband and we were about to move in together. I loved my job, but the position was about to disappear and I was TIRED constantly.

June 2019- I am married again, a new homeowner and I had a baby back in January. I am getting barely any sleep, can’t even open my eyes completely and about 10 min after this picture is taken I am told how lazy of a mom I am (by my daughter) because I don’t want to take the kids to the pool. Mom guilt pushed me and my terrible self esteem to squeeze my fat ass into a swimsuit. It wasn’t a fun day for me at all.

June 2020…. where do I even start??? Ignoring the world around me that’s burning down. I’m actually doing well. I’ve gotten serious about losing ALL the weight over gained. Mentally I have great days and terrible days but I’m recovering faster than ever. I have an amazing support group and I feel strong. I’m remembering my self worth comes from me and I am not letting anyone’s hurtful actions ruin that again! I am doing this for me.

I’m going to be pushing myself to work on my business, I am hoping to start gaining some financial independence while being at home with the kids. We are homeschooling this upcoming year and I am excited for this new challenge. Getting out of my comfort zone to better my kids.

Do you ever reflect on your past and how it has brought you to where you are now? Do you still have hope for 2020, or have you given up??

Goodbye to my independence

I said goodbye to my car yesterday. I cried hard about it too. Which I know for some may be really strange but this car meant a lot to me.

She’s all cleaned out and ready to go

When I left my first husband it was not a mutual parting. I had my kids, some clothes and very little else. The car I did have had to be scrapped.

I was starting a new life with nothing of my own. I moved back in with my parents, got a job and started saving. The pride of having a job was great, but I still had nothing of my own. I was using my mom’s car to go to work. If I wanted to go anywhere else I had to ask my mother’s permission to use her car… I was 30…

Fast forward about 9 months and I got this beauty.

Her first picture as mine!

The kids and I took this car to museums, the mall, the movies. We had adventures and personal Frozen concerts. We took trips to see my Nanny.

It’s just a car to a lot of people but for me, it was personal pride and independence. I felt better about myself and I felt I was a better example for my kids.

I loved her. The memories we made in that car will not soon be forgotten.

With that I have to say what I always say in these situations.

That’ll do pig….

Birthday Parties Bring Out My Creative side

My son’s birthday party was last weekend, it was minecraft themed once again.

If you have kids or throw parties ever, you know they can get pricey.

I go NUTS for my kids birthday parties, growing up I always knew I would and I have.

But when you are a single mom or a household with one income sometimes things aren’t as easy to get done.

For me, that is when crafty mommy steps in.

I’ve gotten compliments on my parties so I thought I would explain my process and dish out some money saving tips.

My planning for the parties starts MONTHS in advance, so A. I can buy things as I can afford them and B. Mostly A…

I spend a lot of time on Pinterest getting ideas and taking notes, I write lists of things I need and things I need to do. I create a timeline, its intense… and literally NEVER goes to plan. But my anxiety loves the plans.

I buy supplies from Amazon, Walmart and the Dollar Tree and sometimes that is where I get my inspiration. Decorations do not have to be expensive

Those fairies are construction paper

I got branches from outside, spray painted and glittered them. I made thr fairies out of clothespins and flowers from the dollar tree. The flowers are cut up toilet paper rings stuck together. Great centerpiece and super cheap!

Black construction paper, with yellow paint pens to make the signs. Black tablecloth and star ceiling decorations from the dollar store. Kids had a blast posing in front of it for pictures!

Bandanas, when you can find them, are only $.50 at Walmart and I made the telescopes with toilet paper rolls. The kids each got one.

Minecraft

The pièce de résistance is my daughter’s Frozen party. I owe my mom everything for this party. She had the puffs in the garage and the snowflakes hanging off the ceiling are actually stickers we got clearance after Christmas. Her dress is actually a flower girl’s dress I got at a thrift store and mom dyed it and added some additional details. She also drew the Olaf free hand.

I absolutely love my kids and celebrating their birthdays! If I had a perfect career it would be Birthday party planning! But only for kids!!

Happy Birthday!!

My oldest turns 10 in 2 days and we had his party this weekend. It makes me feel old, but it also makes me nostalgic. So I went through the picture folders and watched my oldest grow up again.

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The only picture of my belly during my pregnancy with Brian.

He is over a day old in the picture, he was rushed to the NICU after he finally emerged because the cord had been wrapped around his neck for awhile. He was actually in a fishbowl for the first 24hrs to regulate his heartbeat.

My one year old and his beautiful curls! We “hacked” them off after this picture was taken and his hair was never the same

2nd birthday, he is looking stressed, lol

3rd birthday

My super sweet boy, I love his smiles.

Right after graduating kindergarten, he is obsessed with zombies and loves writing stories about them.

At 6 he wanted to be a Marine or a policeman, anything to help people

7yr old kid, still into the Marines!

My beautiful 8yr old, he was the ring bearer in our wedding!

9yr old, super great at school and just a sweet kid

And finally I have a 10yr old!

He is a wonderful kid, super creative, the sweetest kid. He is such a blessing and was a great introduction to parenthood.

I’m Not Okay

My grandmother died. She was alone in a train station on her way to visit family.

I called her Nanny and I have been struggling to write down the words about her. Actually I’ve been struggling in general.

I have been putting on a front, brave face, but I’m hurt. I can’t believe she is gone. I can’t believe that I’ll never hear her call me honey again.

I think the shock is what is getting me the most, I’ve lost grandparents; but I knew they were dying. I was prepared for that pain. I was not prepared for a call from my dad on a random Wednesday night telling me the grandmother that was only in her 70s is gone.

I’m struggling now. I can barely swipe my words on my phone’s keyboard.

She was a piece of home for me. Growing up a military brat we moved around A LOT, so we didn’t have a physical home, we had people “homes”. I’ve lost most of them now; my nanny, my PopPop, their houses and my parents.

I still have my parents, thank God, but its not the same honestly. Everybody has issues with parents at some point and I’m no different, my Nanny was my safe place. She didn’t judge me, or get mad at me, she was always proud of me. She just loved me.

I’m thankful I got her for the time I did. I’m thankful that she moved closer to us and that I kept a close relationship with her. I am glad I made a point of seeing her every chance I could.

But I miss you Nanny

I will carry you here in my heart

I’m Not Okay

Truth of Motherhood

I have seen many posts shared on Facebook about motherhood and how we (women) lose ourselves when we become mothers. They talk about the guilt and the weight gain, the depression. And that is only part of being a mother.

So much changes after women have kids, and I don’t want to demean what men go through, I can’t speak of it personally though.

Our bodies are never the same; fat in new places, stretch marks, nipples twice the size and darker. My breasts look like deflated balloons when I’m not breastfeeding.

The hormones we have racing through our bodies is INSANE. It’s similar to SC weather, 30 degrees at 7am and 70 degrees at noon, snow the next day.

The first time we hold the baby that’s been destroying us for 40 weeks is …. I can’t even think of a word. We go through the traumatic experience of labor and then we are handed this tiny human who depends completely on us. And though there are plenty of books, they don’t actually help you with your first post labor bowel movement or survive that first night home.

The love and compulsion to keep this little human safe is overwhelming. We have never felt this strongly about anything and it is terrifying. The first time they get shots and let out that shrill cry, the first time they have to “cry it out”, the first bruise/fall. Learning the heimlich for babies because your daughter is actually choking on an apple. The fear and sadness that we feel, going through these totally normal and necessary moments in our babies lives.

Our heart, or a large part of it, is literally walking around outside our body.

We want to be the best mother we can be, whether we are a stay at home mom or working mom. We sacrifice ouselves, body, sanity, sleep, diet, health, careers, all to be involved. Society tells us whatever we are doing is never enough or good enough. We push ourselves to the limit.

I wasn’t actually going in this direction when I started this post, but the blog took me here.

What I am saying here is motherhood is hard, again I’m not demeaning fatherhood, and moms if you read this. I salute you.

Next blog- Keeping Your “Self” in Motherhood

Sleep is For the Weak

I have told myself this many times in a vain attempt to satiate my desire for more.

Have you seen the memes about sacrificing something to be able to fall asleep? That is how I feel every night.

I want to sleep. I wish to sleep. I take different medicines to help me sleep, but nothing really works. Melatonin gets me to sleep quickly, but I wake up within 4 hours and I am awake for good. Midnite doesn’t help me fall asleep so I wake up groggy. Actual sleeping pills are much too strong and I struggle to fully regain consciousness. I’m not joking.

Why do I struggle?

Partly because I married a man who snores louder than a garbage disposal, I’m currently listening to it as I type.

I am breastfeeding my youngest and he has been doing this thing where he wakes up as I’m trying to go to bed, ready to play. Or… he wakes up at 2 in the morning and he brings things into our bed and sometimes in the process knocks me in the face.

I have anxiety and the quiet still of the night is the perfect time to replay ALL of the mistakes you have made in life.

Also, the quiet time is great for planning your next day and going over what you got done today and wonder if it is enough to justify feeling accomplished.

I am a light sleeper, so if my kids go to the bathroom (which is not near my bedroom door) I hear it. Or if the cats feel like making a racket.

I hear everything. And it wakes me up.

I’m so tired. And I’m constantly tired.

My current situation, he is finally asleep again. I know the picture is dark, if I used the flash it would look like Gondor calling for aid.

I have been a “bad” sleeper for years, but these last few months have felt worse.

My eyes are starting to get heavy.

Good night. But not so much for me.

January 19th… well it would have been

*forgot to post this… oh mom brain

I thought I would give an update on my resolutions since it has been over 14 days

Most resolutions last only 14 days, did you know that?

Well I am proud to say that most of mine are going strong. I am exercising, reading, most days I am eating healthy, there are even entire days that the downstairs of my house is CLEAN!!

I have not concentrated on my business yet, which is upsetting but sometimes it feels like there are not enough hours in the day.

I am pretty excited to say that I’ll be recording a video of me working on some Valentine’s day resin pieces. I am both excited and nervous because I’m awkward. I am hoping that I will just come off as cool and relaxed, lol.

I have already finished Me Before You and started on After You, the sequel. I’m probably going to start blogging about the books that I read versus their movie counterparts. I LOVE comparing them!

I am very proud to say that my resolutions are rubbing off on my kids, my oldest son, who HATES reading, has been caught reading a book on his own time twice! And they are both getting more active with me and wanting to workout.

I was really hoping that making positive changes in my life would run off on my kids. Though they are not fat AT ALL I want them to have a healthy outlook on diet and exercise that will help them their entire life. When I was younger I was skinny, and I took that for granted. I was super out of shape and struggled to even get through a gym class. It makes getting skinnier after being obese for so long really hard.

So now that it is actually the beginning of February I can say that I am still keeping the downstairs of my house clean, working out, walking (I did 90 miles last month) and I’m eating pretty well!

I’m excited about the positive changes that I’m seeing in the house

Feeling proud

New Year… new me??

Quick answer is definitely no.

I’m not changing myself, there isn’t anything wrong with me!! <—- that’s me pretending I have self confidence

I have things I could improve on, like washing, folding and putting away the laundry in a 2 day period, max.

What I’m calling my New Year’s Resolution is Live a Life Worth Blogging About.

I want to make sure that my family is living, really living. Not stuck in front of the TV or in the house. I want them to live.

I have goals though.

1. I want to work out at least 4 times a week.

2. I want to read at least one book a month.

3. I want to make sure that I am prioritizing my business. I have a business that I haven’t really written about here and I’ve been really lazy with it.

4. My house… I am a slob IRL. I don’t prioritize cleaning AT ALL. But since buying a house, the kids having friends coming over, me meeting moms that come over and having a mom that is a clean freak who hates coming to my house because it’s messy. I want to do better cleaning my house.

5. My marriage, that is pretty self evident. You should ALWAYS work on your relationship.

6. Eat less. I LOVE food. Love it. I want to keep losing weight and my problem is food.

So those are my goals, most of them, maybe all. I want to hopefully keep these going. I sure you know that most people give up their resolutions within 2 weeks.

What are your resolutions? Do you ever stick with them or not buy into it at all?