Marriage in the Time of Children

Being married with kids in an experience that is not for the faint of heart or those with a weak relationship. Kids change everything, they make more work, take money and focus and they cause more stress; that being said they are the most amazing addition to life.

But this post isn’t about kids today. This post is about being married successfully while raising kids and I say successfully on purpose. Anybody can be married and have kids but to stay together AND love your spouse after going through the terror of raising kidemons is a challenge.

kidemon— “kid demon” defined as child demon you created.

When Matt and I started dating I already had a failed marriage and 2 kids in my repertoire. My previous marriage failed for MANY reasons, but one of them was the burden of parenting. I learned a lot from my first marriage and I wanted to make sure that I prioritized my marriage this time around.

Flash forward to having a house, a baby, 2 older kids and a pandemic which leaves us in the house A LOT. We were struggling a little bit to keep the magic in our relationship.

I am going to talk about things that Matt and I do to make sure that our relationship is a priority on a budget(usually).

We watch A LOT of tv and movies together. We have OUR shows that we only watch together. We have introduced each other to shows that we have loved for years and we have discovered new TV shows together. We have been trying to get away from just movies though.

We go out on dates. This one is pretty obvious but can be a little pricey because lets face it, babysitting is expensive, as is going to the movies and or dinner, so we don’t do that very often. It is important to have one on one time with your spouse when you can’t be interrupted.

Here are couple of ideas for a few different things you can do together!

Hunt a Killer escape room in a box is a service that Matt and I subscribed to, you are literally a detective who has to solve a crime. It is so much fun and can be done with 2 people. You get a box every month for 6 months and they are all the same case.

There are actually date night subscriptions that you can subscribe to. We tried one by Crated with Love. It was super fun!

We also try new recipes together, I love cooking with my man! We have read books together, we take turns reading out loud.

If you go to Five Below they are many creative writing journals you can buy that ask fun questions, we actually play 20 questions with them. It is a cool way of getting to know your spouse.

We work out together. We have Beachbody on Demand and we put on a workout and give it our all. Matt likes to be ridiculous when he is working out and that makes me laugh(which also distracts me from the fact that I can’t breathe).

We are also listening to audiobooks together we actually just got The Horror Collection with our free monthly credit with Audible Premium Plus you can click the link for a free trial on Audible and get up to 2 free audiobooks. (we do get a referral bonus if you sign up for audible or purchase the book)

So those are some of the things that we do together. I think that dating your spouse is the most important thing to do and if you can’t always afford to get out of the house these are some great ideas to keep the magic alive!

NaNoWriMo Part 2

So one of the things that we were trying to do in regards to the writing progress was compete with each other to push ourselves to make sure we finished. Well we partially failed in that attempt. Life struck out and we got busy from our daughters first Lyra Hoop classes (sp?). My wife will probably correct me on spelling there as well as our son going to his first day of Karate. I must say we did happen to get busier than we were expecting.

So with roughly half of the month gone I’m right at around 3200 words and my wife is at around 5300 out of 50,000. We decided we would continue writing and keep working on each of our Novels outside of NaNoWriMo as well. We both feel it’s a great way for us to do things together from reading each of our stories to bouncing ideas off each other and if you guys want we might even post a little snippet on here so you can tell us what you think!

PS: Majestic Wife the month isn’t over and I still might beat you also she got me Oreos!

I am guilty

There were happy moments and bring joy to me remembering them

I have mentioned before that I was married before. It didn’t end well, in fact most of the marriage wasn’t great. We were 2 kids who got married “to do the right thing” and we failed.

I left.

When I left I started a whole new life, new email address, social media accounts, the works.

I was single for 3 years after I left, I was damaged and broken and then I met this wonderful man who was and is ok with my faults and fears. He strives to help me heal and we have a great life together; storybook great.

I’ve been going through my old Facebook account because Matt likes to look at pictures of the kids as babies and compare them to Tobias.

I have mixed feelings about looking through the past because there are terrible memories like this

(There’s a story there)

And though painful, I’m actually ok with those because it confirms why we aren’t together.

But there also moments like these

Look how young we were! Full of hopes and dreams.

There were happy moments and bring joy to me remembering them

But is that ok?

I wouldn’t give up what I have right now for anything, but does that mean I have to hate my life before?

I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place in my situation. On one hand I have this amazing husband and I don’t ever want him to think I have any regrets. On the other, I now have knowledge and maturity and when I think of my past I remember the moments I wish I would have used them.

My ex and I have a touchy relationship, pain and anger harvested on both sides. We do our best for our kids.

But could it be better?

Does it need to be better?

Soulmates

My dad performed the ceremony at our wedding and he called us soulmates. He was right

Our anniversary was in August and I have been writing this blog since then. We were celebrating one year married and three years together.

Matt and I met in June 2016 and it was far from love at first sight, lol. He was this young kid and a disheveled mess, his hair and how he dressed was not appealing to me. I had to converse with him as part of my job so I got to know him a little, found out he was smart and funny and a sort of friendship started. He added me on Facebook and we were messaging back and forth, some light flirting.

One time at work he was on break with a team member from the store and we were talking while I did my job. I was walking back towards them and they were laughing, “what’s so funny?” I asked. They told me that I had something black all over my butt (I wore khaki pants). Without thinking I asked to have a picture of my ass so I could see what it was and Matt pulled out his phone willingly; realizing my mistake I quickly told him I was talking about Jack (the gay team member he had been talking to, I knew he wouldn’t ENJOY the picture later). That is one of Matt’s favorite stories to tell, lol.

So like I said, we were messaging back and forth but nothing serious. He did not come off as the guy who wanted the “happy meal” I was bringing to the table and I wasn’t bringing anyone around my kids who wasn’t 100% serious.

Long story short, while lightly flirting he asked me how he should get his hair cut and that triggered a freak out response in my brain( I realize that was VERY dramatic and he still laughs at me for it). I had been single for 3 years and I wasn’t sure I was ready to change that yet; I was terrified. So I took 3 steps back from him. I went from being flirty to gruff. When he sent me messages I would send a one word response, if I sent one at all. But he continued to message me, despite my behavior. He was never rude or put off.

It hit me one day that maybe this is the guy you should date. The one who sees you at your worst and isn’t phased by it. He still wanted to talk to me and still wanted me.

So I gave him a chance and it has been the smartest decision of my life.

My dad performed the ceremony at our wedding and he called us soulmates. He was right.

I love that man

The Inbetween

I realize that’s not a real word.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog and I’ve been feeling guilty about it! I really enjoy taking time out to write these and I’ve been working on the same blog for over a week and it just isn’t right yet.

This past month has been so busy for me it’s hard to concentrate on writing right now.

August is the home of our anniversaries (marriage and dating), both of our birthdays (husband and mine) and back to school for the kids. So we’ve been busy!

The business received several orders for artworks, signs and coasters.

I started working out 2-3 times a week with other moms (I am not a social person so that’s new to me). In the same category, I’ve been talking to the moms at the kids bus stop. I am almost considering a girls night out with them… but it may be too soon.

I got put back on meds for anxiety and depression, that is an ongoing adventure that’s getting a blog for sure!

I’ve been working some weekends cleaning houses, which is ironic because my house is usually a MESS!

My sister is talking to me again! I thought she was mad at me… I tend to say really stupid/hurtful things and usually not on purpose so I was really worried I did it again… but she was just busy (so she wasn’t really not speaking to me, but I felt unspoken to) .

Life has been pretty great lately, I’m feeling proud of myself for everything that I’ve got going on and the meds are working so well that I’m not worried about the other shoe dropping!