I haven’t posted in almost 2 weeks. I have felt a bit overwhelmed and the first things I stop are my creative outlets (which I don’t recommend). When the house is gross and the kids are acting up and the husband walks around with blinders “not seeing” the problems, the last thing I “feel” is being creative.
I haven’t had the energy to do much beyond the necessary, just smile and wave boys… smile and wave.
There is evidence all over the house of things I have attempted to do or clean. The floor streamer in the living room, broom in the dining room, contents of our homeschooling cabinet littered all over because I was going to organize.
That being said I have been spending more time with the kids. We went to the state museum, we’ve been to the park a couple of times and generally we are spending more time outside.
So life isn’t terrible and I am prioritizing the kids, it gets me through even the worst bout. Sometimes everything gets to be too much and you have to step back and remember what really matters.
Finally leaving this year behind. I want to reflect on what has happened… the good, the bad and the ugly.
This year has been full of ups and downs. Moments I have loved and moments I wish wouldn’t have happened. I obviously will not re-live all of these moments with you but some things I am concentrating on right now.
So for reference, here is what I wanted to work on this year
I want to make sure my family is really living… not stuck in the house…. I feel like I might be to blame for Covid….
Ok so…. literally nothing was accomplished on this list because CORONAVIRUS!!
Well… I can’t say that. I did actually read ALOT more than I have in the last 5 years; by which I mean listened to an audiobook OR actually read them. And I really enjoyed getting excited about what was going to happen to the character next, I love the anticipation that a good book can create! I will be continuing that into the new year.
But I basically failed at everything else.
In my high moments, I started homeschooling and honestly I love it! Yeah its stressful and there are rough moments but I love teaching my kids. We have spent A LOT of time together this year. The 4 (mostly the 3 of us, but the baby helps) of us have done some pretty fun experiments, like making a cloud in a jar or growing crystals. We have spent more time together outside then we have spent in a LONG time. Basically those are my good moments, our family time. We have really come together/bonded.
I tried making YouTube videos. I stopped because I have too much on my plate… but I tried!
I started getting more of my projects done around the house, trying to make this place feel like home.
I threw some awesome birthday parties. Got really creative with decorations.
I took LOTS of pictures. I really do enjoy my photography hobby. I got to see the sunrise over the beach twice this year!
We went to the beach more this year. I need the salt air in my life, it cleanses my emotional palate and gives me a fresh outlook on life.
In my low moments… well both my grandmother’s died this year and I’m still healing.
My depression/anxiety has been at an all time high. I have not been in a good place mentally this year for so many reasons. I feel like most of us have been in a dark place for a least a little bit this year.
I gained 20lbs this year, I am heading into 2021 weighing more than I have ever weighed. My confidence is almost non-existent and my self hatred is at an all time high. I am stuck in this rut where I start to work out but get injured due to my weight and then stop working out to heal, get depressed because I can’t workout and then binge eat ANYTHING.
Even my marriage has had some tribulations that I was not expecting. But we are going to be just fine!
So going into 2021 I am not going to list resolutions or goals. Going into this year I am creating a mantra….
Be better about being nicer to myself
Be better about taking care of myself
Be better about putting my mental/emotional/physical health first
Be better at acknowledging what I get done and not focusing on what I didn’t.
Be better at taking compliments AND believing them
Be better about believing I am loved more than I am hated.
Be better about asking for help and demanding it if necessary.
Be better about remembering what life has already thrown at me because I survived it all.
So going into 2021 I am hopeful for a better year, a better me!!
I was supposed to do a blog post on Weds for Bonnie’s Book Club. If you were anticipating that, I apologize. I’ve been a little overwhelmed.
I have been biting off more than I can chew lately, it’s a pretty constant problem in my life. I constantly want to go go go but I put so much on my plate, then my depression kicks in so I get NOTHING done. My anxiety then let’s me know what a worthless POS I am and we go round and round.
BUT some great things are slowly happening… the kids and I got some Halloween decorations up
We got some much needed yard work done, we chopped down 5 trees and sprayed the weeds, I might need to do that again.
I have lost 6lbs!! I know that is a seemingly minor victory BUT for me it’s pretty huge.
Homeschool is going… ok… ish… there are great days and days when the kids and I scream at each other. We finally got to the library (our local is closed for renovations). The closest one we can go to is 45min away… and it is in a temporary building. But it was great to get new books!
I have done SO MANY LOADS OF LAUNDRY this week. I gave clothes away, donated some can goods.
I have been working really hard to get my life in order, but I still have SO MUCH TO DO.
That’s where I am this Friday night. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!! Got any definite plans? We have 90% chance of rain so we are staying in.
I had been considering cutting Facebook out of my life for a few weeks and I have finally pulled the trigger, so to speak.
And by pulling the trigger, I mean I deleted it off my phone…. if I was sending a message I would insert a face-palming emoji here. It’s so funny how far my life has come. When I first started my social media journey I was fresh out of high school and using my parent’s computer (also that was Myspace). Now I have apps on my phone so I can check into any social media I want 100 times a day.
It has become an obsession, an addiction and it’s not healthy. I am guilty of posting things just for likes, or comments. I need the engagement, I crave it, I get disappointed if a post doesn’t receive a lot of attention.
I am almost 36 years old…. that should not be a factor in my day. I judge myself CONSTANTLY for being so shallow.
But I am taking a break, I doubt I’ll delete my account permanently. As I have already discovered my entire social life is organized through Facebook. Homeschooling events and my workout group are all on there.
My goal is to disengage, other than neccessary events, as long as possible. I want to track what I do with my time besides scrolling through memes and others lives.
Have you ever quit social media for awhile? Or do you not use social media?
I had to take a mental health break from blogging. It’s kind of funny that something that I love doing can become tedious or something I dread doing. That is my depression and anxiety coming through.
It’s now April 2020 and we have been quarantined for a month. Just like the memes, we started out strong… but it’s wearing on us now
I was really looking forward to homeschooling my kids but as I found out doing the packets IS NOT homeschooling. I don’t even want to go into it!
Days are redundant, we have a picky one year one year old so we watch Cars 1,2,3 or Mater Tales ALL DAY. Schoolwork, Cars, eating and backyard.
Other than doing schoolwork, my oldest has enjoyed quarantine the most. He doesn’t have a ton of friends and his one friend is quarantined as well. He is content playing minecraft and watching YouTube all day. I make him go outside and play everyday to give his eyes a break. Honestly he would probably be ok with this awhile longer.
The baby is loving having everyone home. He gets so much attention and love. He is learning so much, he says kitty, no, yes, mama, dada, dog, car, truck. He also is making car noises.
My daughter is a totally different story. She handles schoolwork well, but does not handle being in the house at all! We have spent a small fortune on things to entertain her. I have also tried to teach her to crochet, make jewelry using UV resin, I let her make slime… which is something I never used to. Everyday she says what craft are we doing today??? I’m running out of ideas!!
My husband is working at home now, we are fortunate that he is considered essential. He is working in our closet Monday thru Friday. Poor man is extremely uncomfortable but it’s the only spot he can be on the phone and not hear everything happening in the house. Other than that he’s fine, probably a little concerned by my new online shopping addiction. But he hasn’t left me yet.
I have great days where I’m killing it and days where I cry getting out of bed. I am an introvert so being stuck in the house isn’t terrible, but I’m an empath and I feel EVERYONES emotions plus my own. So that is exhausting. But I am trying to make the best of the situation. I have started making jewelry, wire wraps and other bracelets.
I have finished quite a few resin pieces, I started making YouTube videos for crafts, mostly kids stuff so far. I have been working out and trying to diet (so far my diet has consisted of EVERYTHING in the pantry). Reading books, started a new series on Netflix, playing with the kids, hanging out with the husband. Cleaning… I’m cleaning constantly, it is LITERALLY a never ending battle of cleaning.
How is your quarantine going? Are you having ups and downs or just smooth sailing?
I thought I would give an update on my resolutions since it has been over 14 days
Most resolutions last only 14 days, did you know that?
Well I am proud to say that most of mine are going strong. I am exercising, reading, most days I am eating healthy, there are even entire days that the downstairs of my house is CLEAN!!
I have not concentrated on my business yet, which is upsetting but sometimes it feels like there are not enough hours in the day.
I am pretty excited to say that I’ll be recording a video of me working on some Valentine’s day resin pieces. I am both excited and nervous because I’m awkward. I am hoping that I will just come off as cool and relaxed, lol.
I have already finished Me Before You and started on After You, the sequel. I’m probably going to start blogging about the books that I read versus their movie counterparts. I LOVE comparing them!
I am very proud to say that my resolutions are rubbing off on my kids, my oldest son, who HATES reading, has been caught reading a book on his own time twice! And they are both getting more active with me and wanting to workout.
I was really hoping that making positive changes in my life would run off on my kids. Though they are not fat AT ALL I want them to have a healthy outlook on diet and exercise that will help them their entire life. When I was younger I was skinny, and I took that for granted. I was super out of shape and struggled to even get through a gym class. It makes getting skinnier after being obese for so long really hard.
So now that it is actually the beginning of February I can say that I am still keeping the downstairs of my house clean, working out, walking (I did 90 miles last month) and I’m eating pretty well!
I’m excited about the positive changes that I’m seeing in the house
Happy Thanksgiving to all and now it’s officially CHRISTMAS TIME
So its Thanksgiving today, well it was Thanksgiving today. Its 10pm and for me and my family, its over. I finally just got the baby down
Yes that really is the baby and myself in a really dark room. I wasn’t going to use the flash and risk waking him up!
He’s been difficult these last few weeks.
I don’t really take many pics on Thanksgiving because I’m usually recovering from working LONG overnights or getting ready to go to work because, retail.
*insert Hunger Games Whistle* recognition to those who work retail
This is my first year in 6 years where Thanksgiving was actually a holiday, so it was a new experience for me.
My big kids are always with their dad on Thanksgiving and normally this doesn’t bother me at all… I’m at work. But this year was different and it made me sad. I miss them, even in less than a day.
But the day continued as any holiday, big family get together, lots of food, good cheer, laughter and a huge amount of stress for the chick who suffers from social anxiety, lol.
Having kids is kind of a buffer for me. When people are around my big kids, they just want to compliment them and talk about them and that is FINE with me. Without them, the topic of what the baby has going on ends quickly. He has 2 teeth, taking steps and yes we vaccinate. End.
And then I’m left with a pit in my stomach and an awkward face that makes people think I’m sick, haha.
But I survived and now I have 3 days with my husband in my old stomping grounds so we are going to see what fun we can come up with!
Happy Thanksgiving to all and now we are officially in CHRISTMAS TIME!!!