Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all and now it’s officially CHRISTMAS TIME

So its Thanksgiving today, well it was Thanksgiving today. Its 10pm and for me and my family, its over. I finally just got the baby down

Yes that really is the baby and myself in a really dark room. I wasn’t going to use the flash and risk waking him up!

He’s been difficult these last few weeks.

I don’t really take many pics on Thanksgiving because I’m usually recovering from working LONG overnights or getting ready to go to work because, retail.

*insert Hunger Games Whistle* recognition to those who work retail

This is my first year in 6 years where Thanksgiving was actually a holiday, so it was a new experience for me.

My big kids are always with their dad on Thanksgiving and normally this doesn’t bother me at all… I’m at work. But this year was different and it made me sad. I miss them, even in less than a day.

But the day continued as any holiday, big family get together, lots of food, good cheer, laughter and a huge amount of stress for the chick who suffers from social anxiety, lol.

Having kids is kind of a buffer for me. When people are around my big kids, they just want to compliment them and talk about them and that is FINE with me. Without them, the topic of what the baby has going on ends quickly. He has 2 teeth, taking steps and yes we vaccinate. End.

And then I’m left with a pit in my stomach and an awkward face that makes people think I’m sick, haha.

But I survived and now I have 3 days with my husband in my old stomping grounds so we are going to see what fun we can come up with!

Happy Thanksgiving to all and now we are officially in CHRISTMAS TIME!!!

I am guilty

There were happy moments and bring joy to me remembering them

I have mentioned before that I was married before. It didn’t end well, in fact most of the marriage wasn’t great. We were 2 kids who got married “to do the right thing” and we failed.

I left.

When I left I started a whole new life, new email address, social media accounts, the works.

I was single for 3 years after I left, I was damaged and broken and then I met this wonderful man who was and is ok with my faults and fears. He strives to help me heal and we have a great life together; storybook great.

I’ve been going through my old Facebook account because Matt likes to look at pictures of the kids as babies and compare them to Tobias.

I have mixed feelings about looking through the past because there are terrible memories like this

(There’s a story there)

And though painful, I’m actually ok with those because it confirms why we aren’t together.

But there also moments like these

Look how young we were! Full of hopes and dreams.

There were happy moments and bring joy to me remembering them

But is that ok?

I wouldn’t give up what I have right now for anything, but does that mean I have to hate my life before?

I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place in my situation. On one hand I have this amazing husband and I don’t ever want him to think I have any regrets. On the other, I now have knowledge and maturity and when I think of my past I remember the moments I wish I would have used them.

My ex and I have a touchy relationship, pain and anger harvested on both sides. We do our best for our kids.

But could it be better?

Does it need to be better?

Screenshots worth 1000 words

So I have a lot going on in my life currently, mom, starting a business, house, work, weightloss, wife, pet mom, friend, daughter and the list continues.

Sometimes I have a hard time keeping track of my life. I have a dry erase calendar that I write things, apts, parent teacher conferences, trips on but that isn’t enough.

One thing that I do to help keep my life in order is take screenshots of things that I have to do, remember, look up, laugh at, share with my husband.

These are some of the ones I plan to keep, some of them are Christmas ideas, murder mystery podcasts to check out, diet ideas to look up or try. The tattoo is a response to my sister, letting her know which one I thought was the best. Where to find renaissance festival coupons, measurements in cm for Wish presents. And of course my Hogwarts house, because that’s just important to know.

These are how I keep my life in order. I go through once or twice a week and clean out the ones I don’t need anymore.

I was recently at a meal prep party and I mentioned that is how kept my life in order; to my surprise another mom chimed in that she does the same thing!!

It’s funny that the comment made me feel so justified in my actions, but in retrospect… it isn’t really.

Moms are so hard on themselves, we hold ourselves to such a ridiculous standard and it’s nice when someone else does something as weird as organizing our life with screenshots.

The Inbetween

I realize that’s not a real word.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog and I’ve been feeling guilty about it! I really enjoy taking time out to write these and I’ve been working on the same blog for over a week and it just isn’t right yet.

This past month has been so busy for me it’s hard to concentrate on writing right now.

August is the home of our anniversaries (marriage and dating), both of our birthdays (husband and mine) and back to school for the kids. So we’ve been busy!

The business received several orders for artworks, signs and coasters.

I started working out 2-3 times a week with other moms (I am not a social person so that’s new to me). In the same category, I’ve been talking to the moms at the kids bus stop. I am almost considering a girls night out with them… but it may be too soon.

I got put back on meds for anxiety and depression, that is an ongoing adventure that’s getting a blog for sure!

I’ve been working some weekends cleaning houses, which is ironic because my house is usually a MESS!

My sister is talking to me again! I thought she was mad at me… I tend to say really stupid/hurtful things and usually not on purpose so I was really worried I did it again… but she was just busy (so she wasn’t really not speaking to me, but I felt unspoken to) .

Life has been pretty great lately, I’m feeling proud of myself for everything that I’ve got going on and the meds are working so well that I’m not worried about the other shoe dropping!

Vacation, Meant to be Spent Alone

When I go on vacation with kids or in general, I want to make the most of it AND relax… kind of contradictory

So when we arrive at the AFB after 11 hours in the car we meet my brother at the gate so we can get tags on our car, long story short my husband is really impressed with his picture here….

He wanted me to post this, lol.

Seriously though, obviously we got to my brother’s and relaxed, got the car unpacked and we settled into our vacay mode. My goal for this entire trip was to read a book, a whole book. I used to love reading when I was younger but since working full time, having kids and getting married, it’s been hard to finish a book. I start lots of books but I have so much going on that sitting down reading a book gets pushed to the back of the priority list. So I made a goal for myself, other than hanging with my brother, read an entire book. So I started reading as soon as we get settled. I should take this time to explain this is a 250 page book meant for middle schoolers; but I have to start somewhere.

When I go on vacation with kids or in general, I want to make the most of it AND relax… kind of contradictory. So in the morning, after feeding the baby and making my coffee I was trying to decide what to do with the beautiful day

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The kids were already pestering me to go to the pool, or go to the park… my desire to relax meant less than nothing to them, lol. So we came up with a plan to take them to the splash pad, mostly so I don’t have to put on a swimsuit

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I did take some pretty fantastic pictures!!

The rest of the vacation was pretty rainy, so we spent time inside. We walked around the exchange, which is an on base store and just looked around. There was an author who was selling her books and I proudly bought one! Her name is Joy Garcia and she writes children’s storys about her dogs and their adventures. I was super excited to be able to support her and her dream because it is mine!

The kids enjoyed playing on the Switch with their uncle and I got to read and finish my book. I loved every morning waking up to this beautiful view

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The vacation was over way too soon, and on Monday morning we got up at 5am, I said goodbye to my little brother and started the stupidly long journey back home. It was basically uneventful except we hit more traffic so it was a 12hr journey. We got home safely and our lives went back to normal.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Did you remember your camera

Have you ever been on vacation with kids??

Was it relaxing and stress free???

Hahaha, nope. But we take trips anyway. So we packed our car up and took 2 kids and one 6 month old on what should have been a 9hr trip to… dun dun dun… Florida!

No, we didn’t go to Disney or take the kids (me) to Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. We went to the panhandle and visited my brother who is stationed there with the Air Force.

We have been planning the trip for a couple of months and I was super excited to go see my brother but preparing for a trip with pets, kids and a husband is a lot of work.

I had to get someone who would come over and clean out my rats cage and the cat litter boxes; introducing the best of friend you could have, Jude! She so graciously agreed to clean the 2 nastiest things in my house while we were gone and that was a huge weight off my shoulders. The rest was cleaning, packing and preparing 5 people for a really long trip in a vehicle that could defintely be bigger(Honda Accord).

Luckily both kids used their birthday money to get a tablet this year AND Netflix, YouTube and MoviesAnywhere let you download movies/videos/episodes to watch offline…. THANK YOU!!!! I don’t know how my parents put up with us back in the day (other than placing the fear of God in us). We went through several days before and made sure that they had their movies and videos downloaded.

When packing we had to make sure to condense the clothes into 2 suitcases because even though the Accord has a pretty big trunk, fitting everything was going to be a tight squeeze. Years of uprooting my life as a military brat payed off!! Got it all in, with barely any room to spare.

With the plan in the place and the coffee pot set to start at 4:30am my husband and I finally went to be around 10; ready to rush out the door the next day by 5am (in reality 5:30 because we have kids).

The first alarm went off at 4 in the morning and I was not ready to adult, lol. I used to have to get up at 2:30 in the morning for work and my only thought when I heard that alarm was HOW???? I immediately fell back asleep and then my backup alarm went off at 4:15…. I had forgotten about the trip in my exhaustion, but that was why there was a backup.

But with the second alarm I was up and ready to go! I started my rounding up of the humans in the house; the baby was awake a lot that night/morning so he was not happy that I was waking him up.

We were in the car all ready to go by 5:15am!! I was super proud and as we were pulling out of the neighborhood my brilliant husband says to me, “Did you remember your camera?” NOPE… So back we went because I don’t want to go anywhere without that right now. But still 5:25 on the road, I was pretty content with myself!

Thus begins the road trip…

A picture is worth 1000 words

Hopefully I didn’t scare away my 4 followers.

So I am not a sad person, I suffer from depression and anxiety BUT I’m not sad. Reading through my posts these past few weeks makes me seem like a sad, kind of (really) whiny/bitchy type. I can be this way Fo Sho… but in general, I’m happy. I think that I have had a lot on my plate and with the new baby, house and marriage I’m struggling with ME.

I’ve been doing better about setting time aside to work on the behind the scenes part of my business, reading books on marketing and creating a successful business… stuff like that

I even made that bookmark… I know, its awesome! And I have actually been taking pictures again. I have actually always enjoyed being behind the camera. When I was in high school, my family lived on Okinawa, Japan. My parents would drag us around the island to see the sights and the history; I usually got to capture the moments with my parents MASSIVE digital camera that used floppy discs (yeah, I’m THAT old). I took videos and made deep I insightful commentary on what we were doing (my dad would threaten to take the camera away and I would stop). I really enjoyed that. Whenever we went on family vacations or whatever, I took pictures. I discovered the “selfie” one day and stopped taking pictures of other things…. until I had my babies, then I had to capture all those moments. With the advent of smart phones with pretty good cameras I put down the physical camera and just used the super portable thing I was taking anways.

I was given advice by my family photographer (you don’t have one of those??)

Mia Rose Photography

She takes pretty great pictures!! Anyway, she was giving me advice for pictures of my products. So for the first time in at least a year, I took my real camera out of the bag. The feel of the camera in my hand and the strap around my neck (I am SUPER clumsy) felt amazing!! It just felt natural and some of the pictures turned out really nice!!

Here’s a screenshot because they are actually saved on my computer, not my phone. Honestly, the screenshot doesn’t do it justice. But anywhoser… I loved having the camera in my hands again.

I actually got a free Nikon N50 from a Facebook resale page. It takes film so I have been working on my photography again, kind of old school style. I will be taking 2 rolls of film to be developed on Monday and I am really hoping they turn out well, but either way, I am having fun capturing moments and that is all that matters.

So that is my non-depressive blog post. Stay tuned for another whiny one soon!! Hopefully I didn’t scare away my 4 followers.