Vacation, Had To Get Away

Less than an hour into the trip we had a baby screaming and 2 kids whining, asking if we were there yet…. SERIOUSLY????

So here we are, 2 adults, 2 kids and one baby packed into a car for what should have been a 9hr drive to go visit one of my brothers in Florida. Tobias is not happy because I woke him up instead of the other way around, he wouldn’t latch on (I am breastfeeding him, which I do not know if I have mentioned) and he is already in his car seat, which he hates. I was hoping the kids were going to go back to sleep since we woke them up so early, but not so much.

Less than an hour into the trip we had a baby screaming and 2 kids whining, asking if we were there yet…. SERIOUSLY???? To say that I had explained how long this trip was going to be 100 times is an understatement.

My plan for the trip was to pump milk by hand and have the kids feed him with a bottle to help prolong stopping. So when the baby started getting fussy I looked in my diaper bag for my pump, not there. I looked in the Walmart bag of snacks, not there and my brain flashed to the kitchen counter where I remember them being last and I start freaking out. My husband being the calm rational soul that he is pulls over into a parking lot so I can feed the really upset baby before anything else. It takes Tobias a few minutes to calm down before he will finally latch on, but first feeding is successful and I change his diaper to get that out of the way. Next Matt proposes we look for a Wal-Mart to buy a pump for the trip to continue with my plan, he stays so calm and tells me over and over again that I am not a terrible mom because I forgot something. As I start to calm down I remember picking up the pump and putting it in the glove box with the nipples and the milk saving bags. So we are back on the road, only 40 minutes behind schedule.

Being in the car for 9(according to GPS) hours with your spouse could bring some to commit murder, and probably has. I on the other hand LOVE car trips with my man, he is my actual best friend and I love our time together. We make the kids use headphones in the car so we have some privacy to discuss whatever we want. Matt and I have some pretty funny conversations together because even though we are pretty different, we both think in a very similar manner.

For example, I am not sure what brought up Alaska, but I mentioned that my brother(the one we were not going to see) used to want to live in Alaska. That made me think of the movie The Proposal and as I was getting ready to bring that up Matt says “That was something they got right in The Proposal….” and he drifts off “You mean the shades to block out the sun which doesn’t set for awhile??” I reply because I was thinking the same thing. “Yeah, he says” and I say “Just like 30 days of night… or is that the sex movie, you know, with Josh Harnett??” He tells me I was thinking of the correct movie, the vampire one and then we start racking our brain for the name of the sex or lack there of movie that he did (40 days and 40 nights btw) and that makes us wonder, what happened to Josh Harnett??? Then we get into a discussion about how Chris Pine, who Matt insists came on the scene at the same time as Josh, just picked better movies and Josh just went away. I knew this wasn’t accurate so I risked getting extremely car sick to research this on my phone and I was correct. I did get extremely nauseous, but won that knowledge competition.

There isn’t much to do in a car when you have pretty bad car sickness(???) so you can talk, keep messing with the thermostat or radio volume so his OCD fixes it without him realizing it, watch your husband’s facial expressions as people act stupid on the road, laugh at him when he does something stupid, LEFT LANE ENDS, oh I should get over!! What did you think it was going to say??

Well we were in the car for 11 hours and made like 6 stops, mostly because of Tobias, but we finally got to the base and we started our vacations; but first, we had to get passes to get on base…

A picture is worth 1000 words

Hopefully I didn’t scare away my 4 followers.

So I am not a sad person, I suffer from depression and anxiety BUT I’m not sad. Reading through my posts these past few weeks makes me seem like a sad, kind of (really) whiny/bitchy type. I can be this way Fo Sho… but in general, I’m happy. I think that I have had a lot on my plate and with the new baby, house and marriage I’m struggling with ME.

I’ve been doing better about setting time aside to work on the behind the scenes part of my business, reading books on marketing and creating a successful business… stuff like that

I even made that bookmark… I know, its awesome! And I have actually been taking pictures again. I have actually always enjoyed being behind the camera. When I was in high school, my family lived on Okinawa, Japan. My parents would drag us around the island to see the sights and the history; I usually got to capture the moments with my parents MASSIVE digital camera that used floppy discs (yeah, I’m THAT old). I took videos and made deep I insightful commentary on what we were doing (my dad would threaten to take the camera away and I would stop). I really enjoyed that. Whenever we went on family vacations or whatever, I took pictures. I discovered the “selfie” one day and stopped taking pictures of other things…. until I had my babies, then I had to capture all those moments. With the advent of smart phones with pretty good cameras I put down the physical camera and just used the super portable thing I was taking anways.

I was given advice by my family photographer (you don’t have one of those??)

Mia Rose Photography

She takes pretty great pictures!! Anyway, she was giving me advice for pictures of my products. So for the first time in at least a year, I took my real camera out of the bag. The feel of the camera in my hand and the strap around my neck (I am SUPER clumsy) felt amazing!! It just felt natural and some of the pictures turned out really nice!!

Here’s a screenshot because they are actually saved on my computer, not my phone. Honestly, the screenshot doesn’t do it justice. But anywhoser… I loved having the camera in my hands again.

I actually got a free Nikon N50 from a Facebook resale page. It takes film so I have been working on my photography again, kind of old school style. I will be taking 2 rolls of film to be developed on Monday and I am really hoping they turn out well, but either way, I am having fun capturing moments and that is all that matters.

So that is my non-depressive blog post. Stay tuned for another whiny one soon!! Hopefully I didn’t scare away my 4 followers.

SAHM

I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

I am writing this at midnight after taking my first REAL shower in about a week. I am dripping wet, sitting next to my bed. My legs are stinging because I rushed through shaving again. Better to have smooth legs in pain versus the forest that was growing. I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

For the second time in my life, I am a stay at home mom (SAHM).

This was not my game plan after I got out of my first marriage. My game plan was actually to remain a recluse for the rest of my life BUT that is another blog for another time.

Now, I love my kids (as most moms would say) and I know that I am blessed to be at home with them, but I hate having people(women) tell me that in their bitchy tone. “I wish I was in your shoes…” “I would love to be at home all day” “what do you even do with yourself…”????

I’ll tell you Karen.

I work. My days start at about 530am and I’m working until 9pm. And guess what??? There are no state mandated breaks or lunches. I usually have to eat while holding a baby, in case you haven’t done that, it’s not pretty.

Today I was peed, puked, pooped on. I usefully have breast milk on me And now baby food as well! I had a migraine and a fever for the majority of the day. My son still screamed in my face for an hour because his gums and ears hurt and he was also running a fever!

A picture of us after running our errands this morning. I cleaned the kitchen, living room, my room and did about 6 loads of laundry. I had to cook dinner, lunch and breakfast and remember medicine for 2 kids. It’s summer vacation so I also had to have my big kids do their summer work. I also have my business to run so I have to continue on the website and plan new pieces. I an reading books on how to make my business successful AND occasionally I have to work out because I’m fat. Oh and I’m married so I have to make sure I don’t let wifey duties slip up.

So that is my day and it’s pretty average. So, I’m not just sitting around on my ass (though my ever expanding waist line says differently) AND I’m not getting paid. So maybe, Karen, have respect for the SAHM or shut your mouth. I earn absolutely every dollar, I don’t get paid.

Seriously though, I love that I get to be at home with my kids. I love that I’m reading, The Littles, with them and that we do science experiments. Only having the one income means that we don’t have a lot of extra money for fun, but I love finding cheap or free stuff to do with them. They are only young once and I want them to have great memories to look back on!

The Climb

Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat.

Part 1

A little more about myself. I am 33, going to be 34 this summer. I have 2 kids over the age of 5 and I still have “baby” weight…

No, it is not really baby weight. It is postpartum depression turned actual depression, anxiety, stress and exhaustion all rolled into about 50 lbs of extra fat on my body. I have tried dieting and exercise for YEARS.

Before pregnancy I was not a big girl, I was a size 8, 140 lbs at my heaviest and yeah, I thought I was FAT!!! Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat. I am currently sitting at a size 16, but can squeeze into a size 14 on a good day and I weigh about 193 lbs. I rested on my laurels before kids, if I started to get a little thick I would walk it off, literally. I would take mile long walks at night and it would just fall of, like the crumbs off my lap after a Starbucks Blueberry muffin. So real weight loss never really meant anything to me.

After I had my son I was born I lost most of the baby weight immediately, I had about 5 lbs to go before I was pre-baby weight. I never got there however, because instead I got pregnant. With my daughter’s pregnancy the weight found me, like a tornado finds a trailer park. It just piled on and on. When I went to deliver Mackenzie I was 183 lbs. I don’t actually remember my weight throughout the years of attempting dieting and exercising. I basically remained above 175 until 2015.

I was married when I had my babies and I am not going to go into the details, but it was not a good marriage and it left me broken. I tried throughout the marriage after babies to get back in shape, but I had 2 kids 14 months apart, I was a stay at home mom and a full time student. I had a lot going on. Honestly, the motivation was never really there because there was never any spousal support in ANY manner. Our marriage ended August 2013 and I moved in with my parents to get back on my feet.

When I moved in with my parents I started doing little exercising and some weight lifting to start taking off the weight. I think I probably got down to the low 170s, but it never stayed off. Flash forward 1.5 years and I discover Planet Fitness, low monthly costs and the right kind of equipment for me. Yes, I realize they don’t all have a lot of free weights. I found a motivation to exercise 5 days a week, and I had a work schedule that allowed it. I went from the upper 170s to 150 lbs in about 4 months. I was happy, looking and feeling amazing.

July 2015 we moved to an area that only had 1 very inconveniently placed Planet Fitness and I had a ridiculously stressful job that pulled me out of bed at 3 am and I did not get home until almost 130pm every day, so when I got home I was done. I started to lose all of my progress and the sadness creeped in again.

To Be Continued….