Vacation, Meant to be Spent Alone

When I go on vacation with kids or in general, I want to make the most of it AND relax… kind of contradictory

So when we arrive at the AFB after 11 hours in the car we meet my brother at the gate so we can get tags on our car, long story short my husband is really impressed with his picture here….

He wanted me to post this, lol.

 

Seriously though, obviously we got to my brother’s and relaxed, got the car unpacked and we settled into our vacay mode. My goal for this entire trip was to read a book, a whole book. I used to love reading when I was younger but since working full time, having kids and getting married, it’s been hard to finish a book. I start lots of books but I have so much going on that sitting down reading a book gets pushed to the back of the priority list. So I made a goal for myself, other than hanging with my brother, read an entire book. So I started reading as soon as we get settled. I should take this time to explain this is a 250 page book meant for middle schoolers; but I have to start somewhere.

When I go on vacation with kids or in general, I want to make the most of it AND relax… kind of contradictory. So in the morning, after feeding the baby and making my coffee I was trying to decide what to do with the beautiful day67541160_2471292023100298_7671030479369273344_n

The kids were already pestering me to go to the pool, or go to the park… my desire to relax meant less than nothing to them, lol. So we came up with a plan to take them to the splash pad, mostly so I don’t have to put on a swimsuit

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I did take some pretty fantastic pictures!!

The rest of the vacation was pretty rainy, so we spent time inside. We walked around the exchange, which is an on base store and just looked around. There was an author who was selling her books and I proudly bought one! Her name is Joy Garcia and she writes children’s storys about her dogs and their adventures. I was super excited to be able to support her and her dream because it is mine!

The kids enjoyed playing on the Switch with their uncle and I got to read and finish my book. I loved every morning waking up to this beautiful view DSCN4907

The vacation was over way too soon, and on Monday morning we got up at 5am, I said goodbye to my little brother and started the stupidly long journey back home. It was basically uneventful except we hit more traffic so it was a 12hr journey. We got home safely and our lives went back to normal.

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SAHM

I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

I am writing this at midnight after taking my first REAL shower in about a week. I am dripping wet, sitting next to my bed. My legs are stinging because I rushed through shaving again. Better to have smooth legs in pain versus the forest that was growing. I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

For the second time in my life, I am a stay at home mom (SAHM).

This was not my game plan after I got out of my first marriage. My game plan was actually to remain a recluse for the rest of my life BUT that is another blog for another time.

Now, I love my kids (as most moms would say) and I know that I am blessed to be at home with them, but I hate having people(women) tell me that in their bitchy tone. “I wish I was in your shoes…” “I would love to be at home all day” “what do you even do with yourself…”????

I’ll tell you Karen.

I work. My days start at about 6am and I’m working until 9pm. And guess what??? There are no state mandated breaks or lunches. I usually have to eat while holding a baby, in case you haven’t done that, it’s not pretty.

Today I was peed, puked, pooped on. I usefully have breast milk on me And now baby food as well! I had a migraine and a fever for the majority of the day. My son still screamed in my face for an hour because his gums and ears hurt and he was also running a fever!

A picture of us after running our errands this morning. I cleaned the kitchen, living room, my room and did about 6 loads of laundry. I had to cook dinner, lunch and breakfast and remember medicine for 2 kids. It’s summer vacation so I also had to have my big kids do their summer work. I also have my business to run so I have to continue on the website and plan new pieces. I an reading books on how to make my business successful AND occasionally I have to work out because I’m fat. Oh and I’m married so I have to make sure I don’t let wifey duties slip up.

So that is my day and it’s pretty average. So, I’m not just sitting around on my ass (though my ever expanding waist line says differently) AND I’m not getting paid. So maybe, Karen, have respect for the SAHM or shut your mouth. I earn absolutely every dollar, I don’t get paid.

Seriously though, I love that I get to be at home with my kids. I love that I’m reading, The Littles, with them and that we do science experiments. Only having the one income means that we don’t have a lot of extra money for fun, but I love finding cheap or free stuff to do with them. They are only young once and I want them to have great memories to look back on!

I’m tired

This was just therapeutic

To call this an update would be a trivialization.

Since my last blog I have gotten married, gone on my honeymoon, gave away my dog, adopted cats, watched all available episodes of Brooklyn 99 twice, quit my job, started a business, had a baby, bought a house, packed up one house and unpacked into another, celebrated my 2 eldest birthdays, spring vacation, rescued some rats, rewatched New Girl, summer vacation and re-started my weightloss adventure (which I’m calling an odyssey because it’s going to take AWHILE).

Just thinking about everything involved is exhausting. I have had to rearrange my entire life in the last 10 months.

I’ll probably blog about most of those on their own and now I have created my own comprehensive list to go down!

Right now I am sitting on my bed at 11:23pm typing this on my phone because I’m too lazy to go downstairs to get my computer. I am watching the cats chase each other like assholes; they waited until most of the house was sleeping to play.

My big kids are on summer vacation and it’s now my job to entertain them every day AND make sure they don’t unlearn everything that they learned during the school year. I created a schedule of reading Monday thru Friday for 20 mins, math on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, writing on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Needless to say they are not thrilled with me because their friends don’t have to do schoolwork (as I type this my daughter’s whiny voice rings in my head). They have the weekends off and the week they will be with their dad (he’s the fun parent). But I get to add teacher to my already impressive resume.

I am currently a mother to 3 children(one 5 months old), cats and rats(which are MY pet). So I am responsible for their wellbeing, keeping them alive, fed and entertained. I am a housewife, meaning I clean, cook, do laundry, run errands, plan out meals and weekly activities, budget. I have a business to run(with my mom). I am in charge of social media, the website, creating pieces to sell, advertising, planning, trying to make our dreams a reality. I am a wife, so I have to prioritize my marriage. Make sure I’m a lady on the street and a freak in the sheets, to put it mildly. I need to lose weight for health reasons and also because my kids friends call me fat… and that hurts, I’m not going to lie. I also need to find ways to bring income into the house… we don’t NEED it but I need to fund my business and that isn’t really in our budget SO I dog sit and I also search Pinterest and the internet for legit ways to make money at home, while dealing with everything else in my life.

I’m also a daughter and an older sister to 3 siblings who live scattered around the world. I love them all dearly and do my best to keep up with their lives.

Ohhh… also I’m an ex-wife who had 2 kids with her previous spouse and I also have to work him into my life. Which I am WAY TOO accommodating, I get told by many people.

So I have all of that going on, with my anxiety/depression and the fears of marriage that I have as a result of my first disaster down the aisle. I live in a state of “waiting for the other shoe to drop “.

Well this was just therapeutic… I feel so much better.

Change of Plans

Part of my problem with this blog is I try to plan ahead, I want to be ahead of the game. I know there is nothing wrong with being prepared; if you fail to plan then you plan to fail. The problem I have with planning is I feel forced to finish the blog I started because I planned it out.

Part of my problem with this blog is I try to plan ahead, I want to be ahead of the game. I know there is nothing wrong with being prepared; if you fail to plan then you plan to fail. The problem I have with planning is I feel forced to finish the blog I started because I planned it out. So for example I have been working on a wedding blog since I posted my last one and I have written only a paragraph… in three days only a paragraph so clearly I am failing. I think I put pressure on myself when I plan out my blogs instead of just writing how I am feeling at the time.

Today I am feeling very pregnant. I am only 15 weeks pregnant but with it being my third kid AND being fat before I got pregnant my body seems like it is falling apart. The first few weeks were filled with the normal exhaustion and nausea. As the weeks have gone on though, there has been some additional pain, bleeding and some crazy “morning sickness”. Some of the pain has been a ripping feeling in the front of my stomach and that leaves me crying when that happens. I have had sciatic pain since my first pregnancy and it affects my hips and they are already sore because they are widening. So when they start acting up it becomes difficult to walk and it again is very painful. My morning sickness has been getting worse everyday. I am vomiting almost daily up to 3 times a day and it takes the most out of me. I am so tired and out of it, so tired and out of it that I was asked to take a LOA because I really couldn’t do my job very well.

So I have been at home for almost 2 weeks trying to get better and that has not worked. I have had to stop eating basically to stop the puking. I am surviving mostly on Gatorade and salad, and I have only puked that up once. I still can’t eat until about 11am without vomiting and even then its a 70/30 chance. I have talked to the doctor about all of this and apparently it is all normal because I am spending so much time leaning over the toilet.

Well the bad has not overshadowed the good. We are still super excited about the baby, we are planning on telling people at the wedding. I have an announcement planned with the kids, we are doing a Nightmare Before Christmas theme. We are going to put the kids in shirts that say “Oldest Nightmare” for Brian and “Middle Nightmare” for Kenzie and a baby shirt that says “Newest Nightmare expected Feb 2019”. The gender reveal colors are lime green and purple, obviously green for a boy and purple for a girl. We find out the week after we come back from the honeymoon.

I can not wait!!

Life Update

It has been over 4 months since my last post and it honestly feels like an entire lifetime has passed. My fiance and I are actually married, though most of our family doesn’t know, we are having an actual wedding later this month. We have moved to a new place, that is bigger and more expensive(which still makes me nervous). I am pregnant… which was part of the plan in February, getting pregnant in February not giving birth then. I am getting tired just thinking about everything that has happened in the last few months. There were days when it was just too much and I found myself crying in the shower when everyone else slept.

The first challenge that I(we, just assume I am always including my husband)  faced was finding a new place to live. We were living with my BFF/co-worker and though I love her, we were cramping each other styles. So we needed to find our own place and something much bigger, we were basically squeezing 4 people into 2 small rooms. We knew from the beginning that we needed at least 3 bedrooms so each kid could have their own room. It was really location, location, location and kind of price as well.  We were living in an area that my son was doing well in school but my daughter was not. My son has ADHD and he really needs a VERY patient teacher that has experience with kids like him. He got a lot of one on one attention because of his IEP, but the school genuinely seemed to care about his well being and education. I need to point out that this was not a “great” school, test scores were not the best but the school really was. My daughter did not thrive in the school because it was not one of those “great” and challenging schools. She is super smart and very determined to get things done and always be the best, but she was not challenged and was actually made fun of by the other kids for being smart. Eventually she just gave into peer pressure and stop challenging herself. So there is our first challenge, do we try to stay in the area we are in for Brian or move to a better school district for Mackenzie.

Well that brings me to our second challenge, price. Matt and I are not poor by any means but we also don’t have enough money for $2000 a month in rent. We are trying to save money to eventually buy a house, so we have to consider that. We set our budget at $1300 a month and we stuck to it. That budget quickly eliminated where we were currently staying, the cheapest rent for a 3 bedroom was $1500. So we started looking at other areas. If you are familiar with Charlotte, NC you know that you will find some pretty cheap rents in some really questionable areas so I had to be a housing detective. I had found a website that actually showed me the crime rate in the area and then of course I had to research the schools.

The research led me into South Carolina and the Fort Mill school area. We found a place that had an amazing rent and started the application process. We both got really excited about the place and started making our exit arrangements with our current place. We passed the credit/background check but when it came to fiances we made too much money…. now as I mentioned earlier, we are not poor but we are not rich either and that blew our mind and broke my heart. So then panic mode set in, we are only a few weeks from the end of our lease and we had to start the process all over again.

My anxiety was in over drive and I was frantically messaging any place I could that had availability. There was a place that I had fallen in love with a few years ago but could never afford by myself and it had the exact model that I wanted available on the day that I needed it. It was like fate. I called and put a deposit on it that day. There ended our new home drama.