Keeping “you”rself in motherhood

A post has caught my attention on Facebook. It is about a mom who finally has some free time without husband or kids and she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

What is fun to a mom?

Mothers tend to make ourselves martyrs. It is a harsh truth, but it is a truth none the less. We spend our entire life taking care of others and barely give ourselves 5 minutes of free time. It is “expected” of us, sort of… but not really.

We, as mothers tend to put so much pressure on ourselves because we want to keep up with what other moms are doing; or seem to be doing on social media. Working moms will spend any free minute they have “making up” the time they spend away from their kids. Stay at home moms’ lives literally revolve around the home and family, so we try to make sure we are “earning our keep” so to speak.

We want to make sure that we are not being out done by our friends on Facebook or we are constantly trying to be as good as our God of a mother…. I seriously will put myself in an early grave trying to be as good of a mom/wife as my mom.

I was reading an honest post of a mom on one of my homeschool groups talking about everything that she has to do every day and asking how we all do it. I commented that I cry a lot in the shower (which is only a small exaggeration) while others expressed sympathy but said they were also barely holding it together. One mom had the “audacity” to say that she actually gives herself free time…. what the hell(lol)?? Other moms were not nice to her and once again WHY????

Why do we as women/moms not allow ourselves to just chill the eff out sometimes? And why would you get upset that someone else ACTUALLY takes care of themselves? Is it just jealousy that you feel you can’t do that or do you not know how.

I forget sometimes to take care of myself, I forget to eat (how am I obese), I forget to shower, I forget to change my clothes, I forget that I am allowed to have emotions, I forget that I was a human before kids and so I am allowed to be a human still. Some of my things are also because of depression, but sometimes they are both.

I can’t tell another mom what to do to relax. But I came up with a list of things I like to do to keep “Bonnie” in my life.

I play Sims. I love that damn video game.

I send my kids to their room for some “mommy time” and I watch movies or TV shows that they can’t watch.

I listen/ read books.

I blog or write… I LOVE TO WRITE.

I craft, so many things.

I plan different things, diets, exercise plans, decorations for whatever holiday, trips that we will probably never take.

I take a shower, shave and yes, sometimes I really do cry.

Sometimes I do nothing. I just sit on the couch and do literally nothing.

These are just some of the things that I do to keep my old self in my new life. I think that it is so important to remember that we are individuals outside of being a mom.

To the wonderful moms that comment on my blog, I always appreciate your opinions and advice. What do you do to keep your mental health? Do you take time our for yourself? Do you sometimes forget?

My Name is….

I have been a stay at home mom for about 3.5 years of the ten years I have been a mom. This is probably the path I will walk for awhile.

To those who are not a SAHM this blog is probably going to come off as whiny. I LOVE my kids as any mom will say, but sometimes I need to be a human person and not just “mom”.

When I was a single mom and working a full time job, missing important moments in my kids lives I would have given anything to be able to be at home with them. Now that I am home 24/7, I miss having my own money and having actual time to myself. Literally a single trip to the grocery store seems like a freaking vacation. A shower that I don’t have company or interruptions is unheard of. I don’t even poop without an audience.

I tried to orchestrate time for myself so I could be home alone, oldest 2 were at a sleepover and I had my husband take the baby to an indoor jump house but he (the baby) fell asleep in the car and they came back home. Immediately upon arriving home baby is awake and completely underfoot. I just wanted a couple of hours to clean the house without distractions. I wasn’t even doing anything fun.

Even as I am writing this I have been interrupted at least 3 times, some how paint got spilled upstairs and I needed to check it out and now my list contains how to get paint out of carpet AND find all the paint—->get rid of it. The baby is not happy that I am sitting at the desk and he is unable to be the center of attention, so he is sitting next to me screaming and crying. My husband is telling me about any funny video or meme he comes across on Facebook or YouTube.

My brain is in constant overload and I am already planning next week. My son was trying to make me feel better and he said, at least tomorrow is Saturday!! What does that mean to me??? More cleaning, laundry and zero downtime, but at least the kids don’t have school and my husband doesn’t have work; so they will all be there to help make MORE of a mess!!

It is funny to think that I was less stressed while working… but that really isn’t it at all. I was even more stressed, but I was an actual person at work. I wasn’t just, “fix my problems, pay attention to me, he hit me, baby crying, the house is a mess, what’s for dinner, when did we change the filters last, are you going to do laundry, you wanna…..?”

And I still don’t want a job outside of the home, I love that I get to be there for all the important moments of my kids lives. I can be more supportive of my husband. I get to homeschool my kids and give them hands on attention, which they desperately need. I can control their learning, in the sense that as my daughter excels I can give her harder material or when my son is struggling I can give him extra time on something.

I am constantly in a battle of sorts in my mind. I love being there but I want more than just being MOM…. my name is Bonnie.

MY NAME IS BONNIE.

I put fake eyelashes on… and immediately took them off