Screenshots worth 1000 words

So I have a lot going on in my life currently, mom, starting a business, house, work, weightloss, wife, pet mom, friend, daughter and the list continues.

Sometimes I have a hard time keeping track of my life. I have a dry erase calendar that I write things, apts, parent teacher conferences, trips on but that isn’t enough.

One thing that I do to help keep my life in order is take screenshots of things that I have to do, remember, look up, laugh at, share with my husband.

These are some of the ones I plan to keep, some of them are Christmas ideas, murder mystery podcasts to check out, diet ideas to look up or try. The tattoo is a response to my sister, letting her know which one I thought was the best. Where to find renaissance festival coupons, measurements in cm for Wish presents. And of course my Hogwarts house, because that’s just important to know.

These are how I keep my life in order. I go through once or twice a week and clean out the ones I don’t need anymore.

I was recently at a meal prep party and I mentioned that is how kept my life in order; to my surprise another mom chimed in that she does the same thing!!

It’s funny that the comment made me feel so justified in my actions, but in retrospect… it isn’t really.

Moms are so hard on themselves, we hold ourselves to such a ridiculous standard and it’s nice when someone else does something as weird as organizing our life with screenshots.

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The Inbetween

I realize that’s not a real word.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog and I’ve been feeling guilty about it! I really enjoy taking time out to write these and I’ve been working on the same blog for over a week and it just isn’t right yet.

This past month has been so busy for me it’s hard to concentrate on writing right now.

August is the home of our anniversaries (marriage and dating), both of our birthdays (husband and mine) and back to school for the kids. So we’ve been busy!

The business received several orders for artworks, signs and coasters.

I started working out 2-3 times a week with other moms (I am not a social person so that’s new to me). In the same category, I’ve been talking to the moms at the kids bus stop. I am almost considering a girls night out with them… but it may be too soon.

I got put back on meds for anxiety and depression, that is an ongoing adventure that’s getting a blog for sure!

I’ve been working some weekends cleaning houses, which is ironic because my house is usually a MESS!

My sister is talking to me again! I thought she was mad at me… I tend to say really stupid/hurtful things and usually not on purpose so I was really worried I did it again… but she was just busy (so she wasn’t really not speaking to me, but I felt unspoken to) .

Life has been pretty great lately, I’m feeling proud of myself for everything that I’ve got going on and the meds are working so well that I’m not worried about the other shoe dropping!

Vacation, Had To Get Away

Less than an hour into the trip we had a baby screaming and 2 kids whining, asking if we were there yet…. SERIOUSLY????

So here we are, 2 adults, 2 kids and one baby packed into a car for what should have been a 9hr drive to go visit one of my brothers in Florida. Tobias is not happy because I woke him up instead of the other way around, he wouldn’t latch on (I am breastfeeding him, which I do not know if I have mentioned) and he is already in his car seat, which he hates. I was hoping the kids were going to go back to sleep since we woke them up so early, but not so much.

Less than an hour into the trip we had a baby screaming and 2 kids whining, asking if we were there yet…. SERIOUSLY???? To say that I had explained how long this trip was going to be 100 times is an understatement.

My plan for the trip was to pump milk by hand and have the kids feed him with a bottle to help prolong stopping. So when the baby started getting fussy I looked in my diaper bag for my pump, not there. I looked in the Walmart bag of snacks, not there and my brain flashed to the kitchen counter where I remember them being last and I start freaking out. My husband being the calm rational soul that he is pulls over into a parking lot so I can feed the really upset baby before anything else. It takes Tobias a few minutes to calm down before he will finally latch on, but first feeding is successful and I change his diaper to get that out of the way. Next Matt proposes we look for a Wal-Mart to buy a pump for the trip to continue with my plan, he stays so calm and tells me over and over again that I am not a terrible mom because I forgot something. As I start to calm down I remember picking up the pump and putting it in the glove box with the nipples and the milk saving bags. So we are back on the road, only 40 minutes behind schedule.

Being in the car for 9(according to GPS) hours with your spouse could bring some to commit murder, and probably has. I on the other hand LOVE car trips with my man, he is my actual best friend and I love our time together. We make the kids use headphones in the car so we have some privacy to discuss whatever we want. Matt and I have some pretty funny conversations together because even though we are pretty different, we both think in a very similar manner.

For example, I am not sure what brought up Alaska, but I mentioned that my brother(the one we were not going to see) used to want to live in Alaska. That made me think of the movie The Proposal and as I was getting ready to bring that up Matt says “That was something they got right in The Proposal….” and he drifts off “You mean the shades to block out the sun which doesn’t set for awhile??” I reply because I was thinking the same thing. “Yeah, he says” and I say “Just like 30 days of night… or is that the sex movie, you know, with Josh Harnett??” He tells me I was thinking of the correct movie, the vampire one and then we start racking our brain for the name of the sex or lack there of movie that he did (40 days and 40 nights btw) and that makes us wonder, what happened to Josh Harnett??? Then we get into a discussion about how Chris Pine, who Matt insists came on the scene at the same time as Josh, just picked better movies and Josh just went away. I knew this wasn’t accurate so I risked getting extremely car sick to research this on my phone and I was correct. I did get extremely nauseous, but won that knowledge competition.

There isn’t much to do in a car when you have pretty bad car sickness(???) so you can talk, keep messing with the thermostat or radio volume so his OCD fixes it without him realizing it, watch your husband’s facial expressions as people act stupid on the road, laugh at him when he does something stupid, LEFT LANE ENDS, oh I should get over!! What did you think it was going to say??

Well we were in the car for 11 hours and made like 6 stops, mostly because of Tobias, but we finally got to the base and we started our vacations; but first, we had to get passes to get on base…

SAHM

I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

I am writing this at midnight after taking my first REAL shower in about a week. I am dripping wet, sitting next to my bed. My legs are stinging because I rushed through shaving again. Better to have smooth legs in pain versus the forest that was growing. I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

For the second time in my life, I am a stay at home mom (SAHM).

This was not my game plan after I got out of my first marriage. My game plan was actually to remain a recluse for the rest of my life BUT that is another blog for another time.

Now, I love my kids (as most moms would say) and I know that I am blessed to be at home with them, but I hate having people(women) tell me that in their bitchy tone. “I wish I was in your shoes…” “I would love to be at home all day” “what do you even do with yourself…”????

I’ll tell you Karen.

I work. My days start at about 6am and I’m working until 9pm. And guess what??? There are no state mandated breaks or lunches. I usually have to eat while holding a baby, in case you haven’t done that, it’s not pretty.

Today I was peed, puked, pooped on. I usefully have breast milk on me And now baby food as well! I had a migraine and a fever for the majority of the day. My son still screamed in my face for an hour because his gums and ears hurt and he was also running a fever!

A picture of us after running our errands this morning. I cleaned the kitchen, living room, my room and did about 6 loads of laundry. I had to cook dinner, lunch and breakfast and remember medicine for 2 kids. It’s summer vacation so I also had to have my big kids do their summer work. I also have my business to run so I have to continue on the website and plan new pieces. I an reading books on how to make my business successful AND occasionally I have to work out because I’m fat. Oh and I’m married so I have to make sure I don’t let wifey duties slip up.

So that is my day and it’s pretty average. So, I’m not just sitting around on my ass (though my ever expanding waist line says differently) AND I’m not getting paid. So maybe, Karen, have respect for the SAHM or shut your mouth. I earn absolutely every dollar, I don’t get paid.

Seriously though, I love that I get to be at home with my kids. I love that I’m reading, The Littles, with them and that we do science experiments. Only having the one income means that we don’t have a lot of extra money for fun, but I love finding cheap or free stuff to do with them. They are only young once and I want them to have great memories to look back on!

I’m tired

This was just therapeutic

To call this an update would be a trivialization.

Since my last blog I have gotten married, gone on my honeymoon, gave away my dog, adopted cats, watched all available episodes of Brooklyn 99 twice, quit my job, started a business, had a baby, bought a house, packed up one house and unpacked into another, celebrated my 2 eldest birthdays, spring vacation, rescued some rats, rewatched New Girl, summer vacation and re-started my weightloss adventure (which I’m calling an odyssey because it’s going to take AWHILE).

Just thinking about everything involved is exhausting. I have had to rearrange my entire life in the last 10 months.

I’ll probably blog about most of those on their own and now I have created my own comprehensive list to go down!

Right now I am sitting on my bed at 11:23pm typing this on my phone because I’m too lazy to go downstairs to get my computer. I am watching the cats chase each other like assholes; they waited until most of the house was sleeping to play.

My big kids are on summer vacation and it’s now my job to entertain them every day AND make sure they don’t unlearn everything that they learned during the school year. I created a schedule of reading Monday thru Friday for 20 mins, math on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, writing on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Needless to say they are not thrilled with me because their friends don’t have to do schoolwork (as I type this my daughter’s whiny voice rings in my head). They have the weekends off and the week they will be with their dad (he’s the fun parent). But I get to add teacher to my already impressive resume.

I am currently a mother to 3 children(one 5 months old), cats and rats(which are MY pet). So I am responsible for their wellbeing, keeping them alive, fed and entertained. I am a housewife, meaning I clean, cook, do laundry, run errands, plan out meals and weekly activities, budget. I have a business to run(with my mom). I am in charge of social media, the website, creating pieces to sell, advertising, planning, trying to make our dreams a reality. I am a wife, so I have to prioritize my marriage. Make sure I’m a lady on the street and a freak in the sheets, to put it mildly. I need to lose weight for health reasons and also because my kids friends call me fat… and that hurts, I’m not going to lie. I also need to find ways to bring income into the house… we don’t NEED it but I need to fund my business and that isn’t really in our budget SO I dog sit and I also search Pinterest and the internet for legit ways to make money at home, while dealing with everything else in my life.

I’m also a daughter and an older sister to 3 siblings who live scattered around the world. I love them all dearly and do my best to keep up with their lives.

Ohhh… also I’m an ex-wife who had 2 kids with her previous spouse and I also have to work him into my life. Which I am WAY TOO accommodating, I get told by many people.

So I have all of that going on, with my anxiety/depression and the fears of marriage that I have as a result of my first disaster down the aisle. I live in a state of “waiting for the other shoe to drop “.

Well this was just therapeutic… I feel so much better.

The Climb

Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat.

Part 1

A little more about myself. I am 33, going to be 34 this summer. I have 2 kids over the age of 5 and I still have “baby” weight…

No, it is not really baby weight. It is postpartum depression turned actual depression, anxiety, stress and exhaustion all rolled into about 50 lbs of extra fat on my body. I have tried dieting and exercise for YEARS.

Before pregnancy I was not a big girl, I was a size 8, 140 lbs at my heaviest and yeah, I thought I was FAT!!! Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat. I am currently sitting at a size 16, but can squeeze into a size 14 on a good day and I weigh about 193 lbs. I rested on my laurels before kids, if I started to get a little thick I would walk it off, literally. I would take mile long walks at night and it would just fall of, like the crumbs off my lap after a Starbucks Blueberry muffin. So real weight loss never really meant anything to me.

After I had my son I was born I lost most of the baby weight immediately, I had about 5 lbs to go before I was pre-baby weight. I never got there however, because instead I got pregnant. With my daughter’s pregnancy the weight found me, like a tornado finds a trailer park. It just piled on and on. When I went to deliver Mackenzie I was 183 lbs. I don’t actually remember my weight throughout the years of attempting dieting and exercising. I basically remained above 175 until 2015.

I was married when I had my babies and I am not going to go into the details, but it was not a good marriage and it left me broken. I tried throughout the marriage after babies to get back in shape, but I had 2 kids 14 months apart, I was a stay at home mom and a full time student. I had a lot going on. Honestly, the motivation was never really there because there was never any spousal support in ANY manner. Our marriage ended August 2013 and I moved in with my parents to get back on my feet.

When I moved in with my parents I started doing little exercising and some weight lifting to start taking off the weight. I think I probably got down to the low 170s, but it never stayed off. Flash forward 1.5 years and I discover Planet Fitness, low monthly costs and the right kind of equipment for me. Yes, I realize they don’t all have a lot of free weights. I found a motivation to exercise 5 days a week, and I had a work schedule that allowed it. I went from the upper 170s to 150 lbs in about 4 months. I was happy, looking and feeling amazing.

July 2015 we moved to an area that only had 1 very inconveniently placed Planet Fitness and I had a ridiculously stressful job that pulled me out of bed at 3 am and I did not get home until almost 130pm every day, so when I got home I was done. I started to lose all of my progress and the sadness creeped in again.

To Be Continued….