June 15th

I was scanning my Facebook memories, as I do each day, but this day was different.

Apparently June 15th I feel compelled to upload a selfie roughly every 2 years.

A five year history of me

I started looking at the pictures and thinking about the different things happening in my life at each point.

June 2015- I was almost 2 yrs out of my first marriage and I had tried dating for the first time that year… it didn’t go well. I was exercising about 5 days a week, 30lbs down from 2 yrs prior. I was working a job that I loved. I wore makeup….I was feeling myself!  My life was about to change drastically though and it would propel me into the life I’m living now.

June 2017- I was living in a new state, at a new store, now a POG team lead.  I had gained ALL 30lbs back and more. I was dating my now husband and we were about to move in together. I loved my job, but the position was about to disappear and I was TIRED constantly.

June 2019- I am married again, a new homeowner and I had a baby back in January. I am getting barely any sleep, can’t even open my eyes completely and about 10 min after this picture is taken I am told how lazy of a mom I am (by my daughter) because I don’t want to take the kids to the pool. Mom guilt pushed me and my terrible self esteem to squeeze my fat ass into a swimsuit. It wasn’t a fun day for me at all.

June 2020…. where do I even start??? Ignoring the world around me that’s burning down. I’m actually doing well. I’ve gotten serious about losing ALL the weight over gained. Mentally I have great days and terrible days but I’m recovering faster than ever. I have an amazing support group and I feel strong. I’m remembering my self worth comes from me and I am not letting anyone’s hurtful actions ruin that again! I am doing this for me.

I’m going to be pushing myself to work on my business, I am hoping to start gaining some financial independence while being at home with the kids. We are homeschooling this upcoming year and I am excited for this new challenge. Getting out of my comfort zone to better my kids.

Do you ever reflect on your past and how it has brought you to where you are now? Do you still have hope for 2020, or have you given up??

January 19th… well it would have been

*forgot to post this… oh mom brain

I thought I would give an update on my resolutions since it has been over 14 days

Most resolutions last only 14 days, did you know that?

Well I am proud to say that most of mine are going strong. I am exercising, reading, most days I am eating healthy, there are even entire days that the downstairs of my house is CLEAN!!

I have not concentrated on my business yet, which is upsetting but sometimes it feels like there are not enough hours in the day.

I am pretty excited to say that I’ll be recording a video of me working on some Valentine’s day resin pieces. I am both excited and nervous because I’m awkward. I am hoping that I will just come off as cool and relaxed, lol.

I have already finished Me Before You and started on After You, the sequel. I’m probably going to start blogging about the books that I read versus their movie counterparts. I LOVE comparing them!

I am very proud to say that my resolutions are rubbing off on my kids, my oldest son, who HATES reading, has been caught reading a book on his own time twice! And they are both getting more active with me and wanting to workout.

I was really hoping that making positive changes in my life would run off on my kids. Though they are not fat AT ALL I want them to have a healthy outlook on diet and exercise that will help them their entire life. When I was younger I was skinny, and I took that for granted. I was super out of shape and struggled to even get through a gym class. It makes getting skinnier after being obese for so long really hard.

So now that it is actually the beginning of February I can say that I am still keeping the downstairs of my house clean, working out, walking (I did 90 miles last month) and I’m eating pretty well!

I’m excited about the positive changes that I’m seeing in the house

Feeling proud

Losing Part of Myself

Well, if I’m being honest I’m trying to lose about 50lbs of myself…

So I had a baby in January. In the beginning of the pregnancy I was 193lbs(the heaviest I’ve ever been) and a week before birth I was 196lbs. SUPER exciting stuff, I only gained 3lbs!!!

Not so much.

I had the worst morning sickness for 20 weeks and I actually lost 10lbs, the most weight I’ve lost in awhile. But after the morning sickness went away I gained all the weight back plus 3lbs.

When I went to the doctor after having the baby I was 187lbs. I honestly looked awesome and felt great too. I went to Goodwill and bought pants in a smaller size then before pregnancy. I kept it off for 3 months and then breastfeeding munchies hit me hard.

I know this doesn’t affect everyone but I know that some women(like myself) suffer from super sugary munchies and it’s almost never enough. So I went from being 187lbs to 206lbs… my new heavy.

Enter a level of depression I haven’t seen in awhile. I felt disgusting and I looked it as well, nothing fit and even when I got something zipped up I looked like over stuffed sausage.

My husband tried to make me feel better and attractive but it doesn’t matter what other people think of me, just me.

So after a few months of this, I decided to try to lose weight. We don’t have a lot of extra money so a gym membership is out of question, plus not all gyms have childcare.

I started researching, I LOVE to research, and I came up with a game plan. I found an exercise group of moms and I could bring the baby.

NEM—No Excuse Moms

I also discovered intermittent fasting. Since most of my fat problem is in my belly the answer for me would have to be diet.

So I started my odyssey with dieting. When you start intermittent fasting you need to do it slowly, well I needed to. I got really dizzy and bad headaches. I started with a 12:12 ratio and I worked my way to a 16:8 ratio, which means I eat for 8 hours and fast for 12. It seemed daunting when I first started, I am a muncher. I eat when I’m sad, happy, bored, tired(especially tired) so basically I was eating constantly and it felt like I was starving myself when I started the diet.

I also found a calorie calculator to watch my calories. With breastfeeding you need to take in an extra 300-500 calories, so that was factored in.

I did the diet for about a month, slowly limiting the hours I was eating and adjusting myself. I then added exercise. I did not lose any weight with dieting, but I did feel better, and I lost an inch off my stomach.

So after I get used to the fasting and reduced calories I joined the mom’s group. They met twice a week and it was different workouts each time.

They hosted a weightloss challenge starting in August. The winner would get money. Long story short, I didn’t win, but I lost 6lbs in 2 months and I was/am extremely proud of myself.

The group

23/23ish

So obviously I’m not done. I’m at 196lbs and I need to get to 150lbs.

One Week

I wasn’t going to have anything to show for it because, I don’t bruise

It’s been one week since I fell down the stairs

Scared the crap out of myself and

Got my first BAD bruise

I was going for Barenaked Ladies there, but I am no song writer. Last week I was finishing up the townhouse I clean on Sundays and I feel down the stairs. I went down hard and slid down 5 stairs. I knew I hurt myself; my back, my hip, my shoulder, my arm and my hand all on the right side.

I got up and went to my bosses house and dropped off the supplies and sheets that needed to be cleaned. By the time I got to her house I was SO sore. I knew I was hurt but I assumed that I wasn’t going to have anything to show for it because, I don’t bruise.

So when I got home and I told my husband what had happened he examined me and for all my pain this is all I had to show

… super annoyed.

My inability to properly bruise has always made me feel dramatic because I have nothing to show for my pain.

The next day I woke up and I was SUPER SORE. I get out of bed slowly and my husband says… oh your leg!!

The sheer joy I felt for having proof that my pain was real!! Not that Matt doubted me, but I’ve been before.

Over the next few days I loved watching my bruise change AND also get better because the pain slowly went away

It got worse before it got better.

And Sunday, one week later, my leg feels completely better

All of my other injuries have healed as well, except my shoulder. I’m going to have to go see a doctor for that.

But I’m very excited that I finally have proof of my pain!

Food Prep

I made a total of 11 meals…and it took about 3 hours to get everything done

I was recently at a meal prep party… let that sink in… a meal prep PARTY.

Basically you pay $120 and someone else shops for you and then you come together with other people and bag the food in freezer bags (these are meals for the crockpot).

I was actually pretty excited about the idea because life has been hectic and not having to think about dinner is actually a HUGE relief. These meals were supposed to be 4 servings each. They were not, most of the bags really only had about 2 servings in them.

So I decided to do host my own meal prep party… meaning I plan the meals, go food shopping, prep the fresh ingredients and fill the bags myself by myself (which is my favorite part).

I hit Pinterest hard and created a list of meals and of items that I needed to buy

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I broke the ingredients down into sections and did my shopping with my bum wrist and littlest man. I think I spent less than $100 on everything, so then it was onto the next step.

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Prep

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My partner and I were chopping and bagging different things

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I made a total of 11 meals that will feed at least 3 people and it took about 3 hours to get everything done, but I did have to take a break to put the baby down for a nap and I made a meatloaf for my son to eat over the week.

I will say if you want to do something like this and want/need advice I would love to direct you. Also, there are plenty of canned and prepackaged items in these meals so I wasn’t necessarily prepping for health, just convenience.

There were a lot of cans, your trash will look like this.

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