The Inbetween

I realize that’s not a real word.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog and I’ve been feeling guilty about it! I really enjoy taking time out to write these and I’ve been working on the same blog for over a week and it just isn’t right yet.

This past month has been so busy for me it’s hard to concentrate on writing right now.

August is the home of our anniversaries (marriage and dating), both of our birthdays (husband and mine) and back to school for the kids. So we’ve been busy!

The business received several orders for artworks, signs and coasters.

I started working out 2-3 times a week with other moms (I am not a social person so that’s new to me). In the same category, I’ve been talking to the moms at the kids bus stop. I am almost considering a girls night out with them… but it may be too soon.

I got put back on meds for anxiety and depression, that is an ongoing adventure that’s getting a blog for sure!

I’ve been working some weekends cleaning houses, which is ironic because my house is usually a MESS!

My sister is talking to me again! I thought she was mad at me… I tend to say really stupid/hurtful things and usually not on purpose so I was really worried I did it again… but she was just busy (so she wasn’t really not speaking to me, but I felt unspoken to) .

Life has been pretty great lately, I’m feeling proud of myself for everything that I’ve got going on and the meds are working so well that I’m not worried about the other shoe dropping!

SAHM

I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

I am writing this at midnight after taking my first REAL shower in about a week. I am dripping wet, sitting next to my bed. My legs are stinging because I rushed through shaving again. Better to have smooth legs in pain versus the forest that was growing. I am exhausted and should sleep but if I do I don’t know when I’ll have time to write this.

For the second time in my life, I am a stay at home mom (SAHM).

This was not my game plan after I got out of my first marriage. My game plan was actually to remain a recluse for the rest of my life BUT that is another blog for another time.

Now, I love my kids (as most moms would say) and I know that I am blessed to be at home with them, but I hate having people(women) tell me that in their bitchy tone. “I wish I was in your shoes…” “I would love to be at home all day” “what do you even do with yourself…”????

I’ll tell you Karen.

I work. My days start at about 530am and I’m working until 9pm. And guess what??? There are no state mandated breaks or lunches. I usually have to eat while holding a baby, in case you haven’t done that, it’s not pretty.

Today I was peed, puked, pooped on. I usefully have breast milk on me And now baby food as well! I had a migraine and a fever for the majority of the day. My son still screamed in my face for an hour because his gums and ears hurt and he was also running a fever!

A picture of us after running our errands this morning. I cleaned the kitchen, living room, my room and did about 6 loads of laundry. I had to cook dinner, lunch and breakfast and remember medicine for 2 kids. It’s summer vacation so I also had to have my big kids do their summer work. I also have my business to run so I have to continue on the website and plan new pieces. I an reading books on how to make my business successful AND occasionally I have to work out because I’m fat. Oh and I’m married so I have to make sure I don’t let wifey duties slip up.

So that is my day and it’s pretty average. So, I’m not just sitting around on my ass (though my ever expanding waist line says differently) AND I’m not getting paid. So maybe, Karen, have respect for the SAHM or shut your mouth. I earn absolutely every dollar, I don’t get paid.

Seriously though, I love that I get to be at home with my kids. I love that I’m reading, The Littles, with them and that we do science experiments. Only having the one income means that we don’t have a lot of extra money for fun, but I love finding cheap or free stuff to do with them. They are only young once and I want them to have great memories to look back on!

Took a turn

The job that I had once loved had taken a turn for the worst and I hated life.

So about 6 months ago I quit a job that I had been at for over 5 years. I was a manager at this job and had always intended to move up the ladder, but their practices made it difficult. The job that I had once loved had taken a turn for the worst and I hated life. Everyday showing up was absolute agony. My last day was such a crazy ordeal to me. I showed up at 6am, almost 9 months pregnant to push a truck, basically by myself because no one else was scheduled. I worked my five and a half hours(I had cut back hours for health reasons) and I left. No one said goodbye or even cared. I had worked for the company for 5 years, given them literal blood, sweat and tears, sacrificed time with my kids and hurt myself in more than one way to get my job done and none of it mattered.

That is retail.

I do want to say that in those 5 years I met some amazing people, I even married one of them! And 2 more of them were bridesmaids. I grew so much as a manager/leader and I took away some great memories; it hurt a little that my leaving wasn’t remarked by anyone.

Since then, my life has grown infinitely better. I am a stay at home mom who is also starting a business. I have friends that I occasionally hang out with and an amazing husband who, even when I want to kill him, I love more than anything. Life isn’t perfect but it is pretty damn close. I miss making money though, I get very frustrated because I am not contributing monetarily to the household, that’s really my pride speaking. I do a lot for my family and often it goes unappreciated but I still have a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. I am working on taking time out for me each day though. I blog here, read a book

and I am trying to work on my screenplay, I need more hours in the day or to manage my time more wisely. Right now, for example I am laying across my bed with my eyes barely open because baby boy did not sleep well last night but still woke up at 6 this morning. I should be sleeping but I’m waiting for my husband to finish his D&D game(yes I married a NERD), I like to fall asleep with him.