Losing Part of Myself

Well, if I’m being honest I’m trying to lose about 50lbs of myself…

So I had a baby in January. In the beginning of the pregnancy I was 193lbs(the heaviest I’ve ever been) and a week before birth I was 196lbs. SUPER exciting stuff, I only gained 3lbs!!!

Not so much.

I had the worst morning sickness for 20 weeks and I actually lost 10lbs, the most weight I’ve lost in awhile. But after the morning sickness went away I gained all the weight back plus 3lbs.

When I went to the doctor after having the baby I was 187lbs. I honestly looked awesome and felt great too. I went to Goodwill and bought pants in a smaller size then before pregnancy. I kept it off for 3 months and then breastfeeding munchies hit me hard.

I know this doesn’t affect everyone but I know that some women(like myself) suffer from super sugary munchies and it’s almost never enough. So I went from being 187lbs to 206lbs… my new heavy.

Enter a level of depression I haven’t seen in awhile. I felt disgusting and I looked it as well, nothing fit and even when I got something zipped up I looked like over stuffed sausage.

My husband tried to make me feel better and attractive but it doesn’t matter what other people think of me, just me.

So after a few months of this, I decided to try to lose weight. We don’t have a lot of extra money so a gym membership is out of question, plus not all gyms have childcare.

I started researching, I LOVE to research, and I came up with a game plan. I found an exercise group of moms and I could bring the baby.

NEM—No Excuse Moms

I also discovered intermittent fasting. Since most of my fat problem is in my belly the answer for me would have to be diet.

So I started my odyssey with dieting. When you start intermittent fasting you need to do it slowly, well I needed to. I got really dizzy and bad headaches. I started with a 12:12 ratio and I worked my way to a 16:8 ratio, which means I eat for 8 hours and fast for 12. It seemed daunting when I first started, I am a muncher. I eat when I’m sad, happy, bored, tired(especially tired) so basically I was eating constantly and it felt like I was starving myself when I started the diet.

I also found a calorie calculator to watch my calories. With breastfeeding you need to take in an extra 300-500 calories, so that was factored in.

I did the diet for about a month, slowly limiting the hours I was eating and adjusting myself. I then added exercise. I did not lose any weight with dieting, but I did feel better, and I lost an inch off my stomach.

So after I get used to the fasting and reduced calories I joined the mom’s group. They met twice a week and it was different workouts each time.

They hosted a weightloss challenge starting in August. The winner would get money. Long story short, I didn’t win, but I lost 6lbs in 2 months and I was/am extremely proud of myself.

The group

23/23ish

So obviously I’m not done. I’m at 196lbs and I need to get to 150lbs.

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The Inbetween

I realize that’s not a real word.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog and I’ve been feeling guilty about it! I really enjoy taking time out to write these and I’ve been working on the same blog for over a week and it just isn’t right yet.

This past month has been so busy for me it’s hard to concentrate on writing right now.

August is the home of our anniversaries (marriage and dating), both of our birthdays (husband and mine) and back to school for the kids. So we’ve been busy!

The business received several orders for artworks, signs and coasters.

I started working out 2-3 times a week with other moms (I am not a social person so that’s new to me). In the same category, I’ve been talking to the moms at the kids bus stop. I am almost considering a girls night out with them… but it may be too soon.

I got put back on meds for anxiety and depression, that is an ongoing adventure that’s getting a blog for sure!

I’ve been working some weekends cleaning houses, which is ironic because my house is usually a MESS!

My sister is talking to me again! I thought she was mad at me… I tend to say really stupid/hurtful things and usually not on purpose so I was really worried I did it again… but she was just busy (so she wasn’t really not speaking to me, but I felt unspoken to) .

Life has been pretty great lately, I’m feeling proud of myself for everything that I’ve got going on and the meds are working so well that I’m not worried about the other shoe dropping!

The Climb, again

This is a boring post, but this is the stuff on my mind right now.

Part 2

So continuing with my weight loss journey.

After Planet Fitness I tried to fill my gym void with other gyms. I tried a place called 9 Round which is basically a kickboxing gym. I loved the exercises at 9 round, it was circuit training and they changed every time you went and it was always a GREAT workout. I felt like Rocky every time I left, I listened to “Eye of the Tiger” more than once. I am very self-conscious when I work out and I always felt like the other people there were judging me, one woman openly laughed at me when I made a mistake. I also do not like having a trainer to push me. I do not need someone to tell me to work harder, I push myself too much on my own. The trainer is obviously always there to make sure that you are doing the work out correctly, but also to “motivate”. Out of the 6 month contract that I signed and paid for, I went for 2 months… waste of my money.

I also tried Fitness Connection, which is a good price and has weights, machines, classes and even child care! I was pretty excited when I signed up. It was conveniently located between work and home, I was convinced that this was the one. I went religiously for months but whenever I went the machines I wanted were never open and people did not clean up after themselves… EVER!! It was disgusting. The people who went seemed to be the kind that show off and I felt intimidated. *SIDENOTE have you ever seen Kevin Hart’s gym show off impersonation? Go watch it* So my time at Fitness Connection ended as well.

Along with going to the gym I tried different network marketing products like It Works and BeachBody. It Works is not an exercise program, but supplements that are supposed to help you lose weight. I used them when I was going to Planet Fitness and I did really like what I saw. I just don’t know if it was the pills or the exercise or a combination of both. I tried BeachBody when one of my friends signed up to be a coach. I ordered the program 22-minute Hard Corps by Tony Horton.. It was an intense workout but it ended up making my plantar fasciitis worse and I needed to stop (so of course I lost all progress) After the physical therapy (I’ll blog about that) I signed up for BeachBody On Demand so I could try different programs that would be easy on my feet. That went well until I moved.. again… this is a real problem in my life because I am getting ready to move again.

My final attempt to use a program/product is LadyBoss, I’ll thank Facebook ads for that. LadyBoss had great recipes and exercises for home and the gym. I started strong and lost my motivation again, plus I am always doing this by myself. So everyone else is eating/drinking whatever and then there is me, with me salad.

So that was my long drawn out history of attempted weight loss. I have once again started that journey, I can’t keep buying new clothes as I gain weight, I don’t make that much money; we will discuss my dieting in another blog. This time I am not paying anyone for anything, I am working out at home or the local park that has some small pieces of equipment and I am being my own trainer. My fiance has agreed to start working out as well so we can do this together. I am going to write about our experiences occasionally, mostly for accountability. I don’t want to be that person on Facebook who has to take a gym selfie every time I am there to prove it (I have been that person before). If I know that I am writing about and sharing possibly some intimate details of the experiences then I will keep doing it.

This is a boring blog post, but this is the stuff on my mind right now. Hopefully next time I will have something more exciting, or at least humorous.

The Climb

Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat.

Part 1

A little more about myself. I am 33, going to be 34 this summer. I have 2 kids over the age of 5 and I still have “baby” weight…

No, it is not really baby weight. It is postpartum depression turned actual depression, anxiety, stress and exhaustion all rolled into about 50 lbs of extra fat on my body. I have tried dieting and exercise for YEARS.

Before pregnancy I was not a big girl, I was a size 8, 140 lbs at my heaviest and yeah, I thought I was FAT!!! Actual Big Girl Bonnie would love to send pics of what her gut looks like now versus when I thought I was fat. I am currently sitting at a size 16, but can squeeze into a size 14 on a good day and I weigh about 193 lbs. I rested on my laurels before kids, if I started to get a little thick I would walk it off, literally. I would take mile long walks at night and it would just fall of, like the crumbs off my lap after a Starbucks Blueberry muffin. So real weight loss never really meant anything to me.

After I had my son I was born I lost most of the baby weight immediately, I had about 5 lbs to go before I was pre-baby weight. I never got there however, because instead I got pregnant. With my daughter’s pregnancy the weight found me, like a tornado finds a trailer park. It just piled on and on. When I went to deliver Mackenzie I was 183 lbs. I don’t actually remember my weight throughout the years of attempting dieting and exercising. I basically remained above 175 until 2015.

I was married when I had my babies and I am not going to go into the details, but it was not a good marriage and it left me broken. I tried throughout the marriage after babies to get back in shape, but I had 2 kids 14 months apart, I was a stay at home mom and a full time student. I had a lot going on. Honestly, the motivation was never really there because there was never any spousal support in ANY manner. Our marriage ended August 2013 and I moved in with my parents to get back on my feet.

When I moved in with my parents I started doing little exercising and some weight lifting to start taking off the weight. I think I probably got down to the low 170s, but it never stayed off. Flash forward 1.5 years and I discover Planet Fitness, low monthly costs and the right kind of equipment for me. Yes, I realize they don’t all have a lot of free weights. I found a motivation to exercise 5 days a week, and I had a work schedule that allowed it. I went from the upper 170s to 150 lbs in about 4 months. I was happy, looking and feeling amazing.

July 2015 we moved to an area that only had 1 very inconveniently placed Planet Fitness and I had a ridiculously stressful job that pulled me out of bed at 3 am and I did not get home until almost 130pm every day, so when I got home I was done. I started to lose all of my progress and the sadness creeped in again.

To Be Continued….